The glass door slides shut, cutting off the rumble of party shenanigans.
Lucy laughs. “Impressive setup.”
James drains his champagne, a rush in his head, a pool of fire in his stomach.
“Sorry about that,” he says. “Jessie thinks she’s got a right to meddle in my life. Which, for a lot of reasons, she kind of does.”
“I love that about her. She makes shit happen.” Lucy tucks a light-brown strand behind her ear, showing off the glint of her earring. The curve of her tan neck. “So how long have you been in New York?”
“Only a few months,” James says.
Lucy shifts off the wall to lean on the rail. No way the metal isn’t ice cold, but she doesn’t flinch. In the light, her dress sparkles like a trove of silver. He desperately wants to take in every inch of her, but he fixes his gaze on her azure eyes.
Being this close to her makes his lungs tighten, his heart quicken, and that feeling of desire shoves him toward a single thought, a single memory, a single person. The one he tries so hard to keep out of his head because when he thinks of her, nothing else exists.
“Is something wrong?” Lucy asks, reaching out.
Vanilla perfume clings to her sweater, choking him. He imagines Nelle’s face if she saw him pursuing this other woman. How hurt would she be? What would she say? She would be devastated. So would James, if she did the same to him.
“James—”
Lucy touches his arm, but instead of comforting him, it sends a wave of anger through his body. Heat rushes from his head to his feet, and he pushes her away without thinking. She stumbles back a step, her brows furrowed as she tries to process his violent reaction.
James trembles, staring at the rug on the concrete balcony and the few dead plants still in their pots.
“I’m sorry,” he says, but the words are cotton in his mouth. “So sorry.”
Don’t cry,he thinks.Nelle’s gone. Don’t cry. You don’t need her, she’s a mistake, she’s a mistake.For a minute, as he sucks down the ice-flecked air, he repeats words of comfort to himself. Advice Jessie’s given him. Bits of wisdom he has been gathering for months.You’re okay. Better off alone. Take this time to find yourself.
Lucy is still there. Holding out her hand like someone trying to pet a feral cat. Her face peeks out behind two sheets of hair, showing only empathy.
“You should leave,” he says. “I pushed you.”
Lucy peers over the balcony railing. “Not hard enough.”
He considers this surprising woman, while repeating all the reasons he needs to be single.Career, time to find myself, getting over Nelle ...the list goes foggy.
“I’m not scared of you, James,” she says. “I have three brothers. None of them knew how to express their emotions, so they talked with their fists.”
“I’m not typically violent.” James clears his throat. “Lucy, you’re beautiful, you seem funny, you’re obviously smart, and you’re a writer, but ... I guess Jessie didn’t tell you. I just got out of a relationship. Amessy one. And I’m realizing, right now, that I’m not in the mental place to start a new one. So ... I’m sorry.”
Lucy’s hand stays extended between them, waiting for him.
“Didn’t you hear me?” His voice breaks.
“I heard you. I’m here if you want a new friend in the city, that’s all.”
His eyes sting, and he thinks,Don’t cry, but the constraint is useless. Warm tears leak down his cheeks as he takes Lucy’s hand, lets her pull him closer. He’s not scared of her touch anymore. No weight between them, no pressure, just the possibility of friendship. He presses into her white cardigan, breathes in her hair, finding comfort in the sturdiness of another person. Her vanilla perfume has honeysuckle notes, a bit of natural bitterness that’s new to him. When they pull apart, she rubs circles on his lower back.
He wipes his frozen tears with his sleeve. A car alarm goes off down the street. Inside the apartment, the muffled noise rises into a clamor.
“Three months here and you’re the nicest person I’ve met,” he says.
Lucy leans her head on his shoulder, though they are nearly the same height. “I’m not nice.”
James laughs, still snotty. “I’m sorry for crying.”
“Don’t be. Whatever happened between you and your ex is over now, so you need to process, and crying is step one.”
