His dad sighs. “Mandy.”
“Good to know Mandy Tucker is more important than the brother she only sees twice a year,” James jokes, and though sadness lingers behind the statement, he doesn’t hold it against her. He is certain there have been milestones in her life that he has missed over the past six months.
But melancholy befalls his dad, weighing his shoulders down. “She does love you, James.”
“I know, Dad. I know.”
“We all do,” his dad says. This time, he doesn’t break eye contact. “You know that, right?”
“I know. I love you, too.”
Nelle sits at the kitchen island, feet dangling, a mug of tea warm in her hands. A maw of sadness threatens to swallow her up. This is the life she should have: visiting Lincoln twice a year with James, getting to know his parents, sitting around on holidays and drinking tea. Nervously, she finds herself fingering the tea bag’s little paper tab. The phrase printed on it distracts her:Look how far you’ve come.
“Your home is beautiful,” she says to Teresa.
Teresa tastes the chili, smacks her lips, and adds a pinch of seasoning. “Thank you. We renovated a couple of years ago. It was horrifying before that.”
“Well, I love what you’ve done. It feels like home.”
Teresa puts a lid on the pot and braces herself on the island. “How’s New York? Getting James to tell us anything about his life requires a full-on interrogation.”
Nelle tries to hide her tears behind a grin. “It’s wonderful. He really, really loves it there.”
Teresa forces a smile, too. “I knew he would.”
“He loves you, too, though,” she says, sensing a wall of sadness. “He is so grateful for you.”
“Thank you for saying that.” Teresa absentmindedly wipes her hands on her pants, lets out a shaky exhalation, and cranes her neck into the hall. “Where did they disappear to?”
“I think upstairs,” Nelle says.
“Would you mind running up there and telling them that dinner’s ready?”
Nelle slides off her stool and starts up the creaky stairs. On her way up, she studies the wall of family photographs. Days on the beach, award ceremonies, costumes. James and Midi standing beside each other, one tall and lanky, the other short and sassy. Nelle wishes she had the chance to meet Midi before ...
Her throat tightens. She steadies her breath and wipes her tears before climbing the rest of the stairs.
After dinner, James gives Nelle the tour of his childhood bedroom. The desk with his typewriter, the window overlooking downtown Lincoln. His shelf stacked with snow globes from all the cities he has visited. He finds the crumpled letters he wrote for her last summer and smooths some of them out.I think I’m falling in love with you. Is Quill trying to kill me? Are you both plotting my murder? Is he hurting you somehow? I’m kind of lonely, so if you want to be friends ...
They laugh over his letters until they are kissing over them. James cups the back of Nelle’s neck and leans her down, cradling her. He kisses her soft, slow. Then he pulls away. One kiss to remember her by, ahead of whatever happens next. Tonight. In the morning. Whenever she chooses to go.
“When do you want to ...” He trails off.
“At dawn,” she says. “We should sleep soon.”
James can’t breathe, and the muscles behind his eyes clench. A feeling takes over his body, hot and blinding. He scrubs his tears away as quickly as they come, angry with himself, with Nelle, with God. Trembling, he pushes off the bed and paces the room. He has never felt like this. With no forethought, only fury, he kicks the bedpost.
Immediate, splitting pain. The anger dissipates. Damn, it worked. And ithurts. He hobbles on his foot, clenching the bedpost.
Nelle shrieks, “What the hell was that, James?”
“I’m mad,” he says. “You’re leaving! I know you can’t help it. Iknow. But I’m still fucking upset about it.”
“Well, stop,” she says. “You knew not to come if you were going to have an issue with this. I have to do this, James, and you know why. You said you understood, so don’t go back on your word now. And don’t get in my way tomorrow.”
Her voice is cold, emotionless, but James sees through her wall. If she lets it crack, then she won’t be able to follow through.
He opens his mouth, but she is already leaving.
