“Thanks, Avi.”
Elias entered the kitchen a few seconds later, and Eri felt like all the air had been sucked out of the space. He placed his helmet down on the table and removed his backpack.
“Hey, Avian,” he greeted, and Eri felt like he’d hit her. Like he’d kicked her in the gut.
“I am not the only person in this kitchen,” her friend replied as Elias pulled two bottles of liquor from his backpack. “I know Lucy raised you better than that.”
Elias’ eyes shifted from Avian to Eri before they focused on her friend again. “I guess you can snitch on me at the next family dinner,” he responded, zipping the backpack and setting it aside on the floor before leaving the kitchen.
Avian huffed once they were alone again. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m sure you don’t deserve this.”
“But I do,” Eri whispered, and she knew she’d taken the other woman by surprise.
Her friend grabbed her wrist and pulled her down the hall to her dance studio, locking the door behind them. Eri glanced at herself in the wall of mirrors before turning her attention away to the mural painted on the other wall. She was still awed by the effort Marco went through to create it for Avian every time she saw it.
There was silence between the two of them for several beats, and Eri knew Avian was trying to find the right way to ask, to decide if she wanted to ask in the first place. Her friend had always been the type to wait until you were ready to talk about something. She could tell the other woman was worried, and when Avian opened and closed her mouth without sayinganything twice, Eri decided to put them both out of their misery, or possibly make her own more profound.
“We slept together,” she said, releasing a deep breath.
“I see. And did something happen?” Avian asked cautiously.
“Other than him being perfect and making me feel more than I have in a long time? Other than him doing everything right and me not being able to get my emotions in check? Other than me not talking to him about how I felt? Other than me being a coward, who left him while he slept? No, not a thing.”
“Oh, Eri,” Avian responded, walking up behind her and wrapping her arms around her. “I’m sorry.”
Eri shook her head. “The only one who needs to apologize in this situation is me.”
“Maybe, but I understand.” Avian squeezed her tighter. “I know you. Which means I know you were so focused on things going wrong that when they didn’t, you didn’t know how to express what you felt. I know you didn’t want what happened to make you cynical toward all men, but I don’t think you expect anything good from them, either.”
Eri thought about it, and maybe her friend was right. She’d tried so hard not to let that terrible night shape her outlook on all men, and she’d thought she'd succeeded. But maybe that only went as far as non-romantic interest. She hadn’t been expecting the worst from Elias, but she could admit that some part of her guard was always up.
But it wasn’t just that, Eri was an honest person to a fault. Because life was short, and she didn’t want to regret not telling someone something. However, she hadn’t been able to be with Elias. Not completely. She hadn’t lied to him when she told him she was fine, or that she hadn’t felt that way before; both things were true at the time.
But as she’d lain there after the fact, the tightness in her chest intensified. The guilt she felt swallowed her as he stroked herside and placed gentle kisses on her shoulder. Something in Eri broke, and she knew she couldn’t face him the next morning. Knew that she wouldn’t have the right words and didn’t want to risk blurting out something incoherent and ruining things. So, she’d run, which had the same effect.
It had never been her intention to go so long without speaking to him. She just needed time, and she should have communicated that, but the what-ifs drowned logic out. What if she told him everything, and she ended up where she was, anyway?
Then she’d gone to the shop with Avian, and he’d ignored her. It was a feeling she never wanted to experience again, but what if that was exactly what happened when she spoke to him? She knew that giving him a half-reason wouldn’t work. Eri would have to tell him everything. Avian had told her he wouldn’t think differently, and she wanted to believe that and had considered the same thing, but people often did the opposite of what you expected. No matter how much you thought you knew them.
“You shouldn’t have left like that, but it doesn’t give him the right to be purposely hurtful. So you both need to figure it out.”
“I’m going to talk to him,” Eri informed.
“I figured you were, and if it’s meant to work, it will.” Avian released her. “Come on, before my husband comes looking, and the last thing we want is for his perceptive ass to sniff out what’s going on.”
Eri let out a dry laugh. “I’m sure that ship has sailed.”
They exited the room and went down the hall to where everyone else was in the living room, setting up for a game of charades, and Eri decided to sit that one out. She wasn’t in the mood to pretend anymore.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
“You must be enjoying losing tonight,” Javier said after Elias’ fourth loss in a row as they played blackjack.
“I thought you could use the charity,” Elias responded.
Honestly, he hadn’t been paying attention to the game. He hadn’t wanted to be there that night in the first place because he knew Eri would be. But after thinking it over, he refused to let her push him out of his group of friends. He’d been there first. Eri had only integrated when Avian and Marco started dating, and he would not avoid certain places or gatherings just because she might be there.
“I’ll sit the next hand out,” Elias informed before standing and going into the kitchen.
