17
“You’re quiet today.”
Eri looked up from the pillow she’d been studying like it was her first time seeing it. Like it hadn’t been sitting there each time she’d come to a session. She hadn’t realized she was being so quiet, but as she thought about it, they were ten minutes into her session, and she wasn’t sure she’d said more than twenty words.
“I guess I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” Eri responded, and it was the truth.
All she’d been able to think about from the moment she’d left Elias’ house last week was what she felt. What he’d made her feel. She’d been so overwhelmed, felt things she hadn’t in such a long time, and then he’d called her baby. It was the first time he’d done so, as pathetic as it may have been for her to remember that, and something in her refused to calm down, to settle.
She hadn’t known how to deal with it, and when she’d awoken in the early hours of the morning before him, Eri realized she didn’t know how to face him because she’d gotten to know him, which meant she knew he would want to talk about it, and she wasn’t ready to, couldn’t have him looking at her differently.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Cherell asked.
“No,” Eri responded.
Talking about it wouldn’t change the fact that she’d run away. That she’d allowed her feelings to overwhelm her and hadn’t done theone thinghe’d asked her to do, the only thing he’d ever asked of her, to talk to him about what she was feeling. Buthow was she supposed to put it into words, explain her reaction without telling him everything? And even if she wanted to, she had no right to now. She’d watched the phone ring when he'd called her that morning. Hadn’t responded to the text he’d sent the following day, and then there was nothing but radio silence between them.
Eri knew she was at fault, that all she had to do was talk to him, but that was easier said than done. She didn’t know how to broach the situation or if she would be able to be that vulnerable with him.
You should have thought about that before sleeping with him.
Eri ignored her inner thought because shehadthought about it, and she hadn’t expected the emotions to overwhelm her, and when they had, they hadn’t particularly been negative, just too much for her to handle. She felt safe with Elias, had trusted him not to hurt her, to stop if that was what she needed.
Which meant you should have felt safe enough to tell him what you were feeling.
Sometimes, Eri hated how logical she was, but logic didn’t always win out; it didn’t always rise to the surface when emotions were involved.
“How are your classes?” Cherell asked.
“They’re fine. I’ve gotten all of my assignments for the semester finished.”
“That’s good. Spring break is around the corner, right? Do you have any plans?”
“I’m going to spend some time with my dad, and maybe work on my portfolio,” Eri responded.
Cherell hummed, and Eri had gotten good at reading the subtle look in her eyes. It was then she realized she’d inadvertently told her therapist what was wrong. Because if what was bothering her had nothing to do with Elias, then why wasshe not also spending time with him during the break? However, she knew Cherell wouldn’t push, and that anything Eri wanted to discuss, she would have to bring up.
The rest of her session went in much of the same fashion, which Eri knew wasn’t productive, but the only thing on her mind was the one thing she didn’t want to discuss. She hoped that looking for a birthday gift for Nesiah later that afternoon with Avian would at least give her something else to think about for a while.
“Iknow Javier will want to spend her birthday with her, but we should take her to brunch on Sunday,” Avian said as they weaved through traffic a couple of hours later after finding gifts for Nesiah.
“Yeah. We can do that,” Eri responded, watching buildings pass by outside the passenger window.
Ten minutes later, they pulled intoBody Expression’sparking lot to drop off some ink Marco needed and had left at home that morning. Eri checked the parking lot. She didn’t see Elias’ car or motorcycle. She knew the others parked in the back, but because he only worked there a few days a week and left when he was done, he tended to park in the front. So, she got out.
She wished she hadn’t thirty seconds later when she walked into the building and found him sitting at his station. It looked like he was getting ready for a client. He glanced up when they walked in.
“Hey, Avian,” he greeted. “Marco’s in his office.”
“Hey, thanks,” her friend responded. “I’ll be right back,” she informed Eri.
It was silent in the main area after she headed down the hall, and Eri was not a fan of awkward silences or the feeling that settled in her chest at him blatantly ignoring her. But what didshe expect? She was only receiving the same treatment she’d given by not answering his call or texting him back.
“Javier, where’s Nesiah?” Eri asked, turning her attention to the mentioned man.
“She’s headed home. You missed her by fifteen minutes. She has this tradition of only taking appointments for half the day before her birthday, and not taking any the day of.”
“Smart woman,” Eri responded. “I need to be sure to take half days before my birthday from now on.”
