“I’m working on a cross-stitch project. How was dinner with your family?” He’d mentioned it the day before when he’d texted her, and since he’d taken her out, and she’d seen the pictures of the tattoo he was going to show her that day, she’d cancel seeing him.
“Hands weren’t laid, so I’d say it was good.” He paused, and Eri could hear him shifting. “Are you free tomorrow? Since we canceled today. I know you don’t have class, and I thought we could get lunch together between my appointments.”
Eri thought about it for a moment. She didn’t think she was ready to be alone with him yet, because she didn’t trust herself not to say something she wasn’t ready to.
“Can you give me a rain check?”
He was quiet for a brief second, and she almost thought he hadn’t heard her.
“Sure, Amate. Let me know when you’re free.”
They spoke for another hour, and she ended the call sooner than she normally would have because she realized just talking to him made her feel guilty, and it was worse than before. She hadn’t felt that way when he first started flirting with her because then she had wanted nothing to do with men as a whole. That had changed, and each day she allowed his advances, reaped the benefits of them, she felt like she was deceiving him. Eri knew she didn’t have to tell him, but could she truly say she was giving her all if she didn’t?
Deciding to call it a night, she put her project away, checked to ensure the front door was locked, and turned the lights off as she went into her bedroom. She grabbed her pajamas, then headed into the en suite.
Once showered and moisturized, Eri slipped into bed and turned the television on. She flipped through options before settling on a crime docuseries. She grabbed the bear on her bed, and held it to her chest as she watched, but it wasn’t long before she was drifting off to sleep, and Eri was sure the same event her mind kept drifting to while conscious would also find her in sleep.
12
“You kissed him?!” Avian asked excitedly, a smile spreading across her face.
“I did, but…I almost wish I hadn’t,” Eri responded, and the smile slowly fell from her friend’s face.
“Wait. What? Why?”
“It’s been a week, and I can’t seem to focus on anything else. It pops into my head when I’m in class, when I’m studying, when I’m cooking, or watching television like it was my first kiss or something.”
“Wait, this happened a week ago?” Avian inquired.
“Yes. On Valentine’s Day. He wanted to take me out and prove the holiday wasn’t useless, and he succeeded,” Eri admitted. “That day with him helped replace the ugliness that took place years prior.”
Her friend nodded. “Well, that explains why you told me you were fine when I called to check up on you. I thought you were only saying it because you didn’t want me to come over.”
“I wasn’t, but I also didn’t want you to come over, even if I wasn’t okay. It was your first Valentine’s Day with Marco. I wasn’t going to let you miss celebrating it with him.”
Avian texted her first thing on Valentine’s Day morning to let her know she was there if she wanted to talk or spend the day together. It was such a sweet, heartfelt text that included telling Eri how great she was, how much of a good friend she was, and how much Avian loved her. She saved it along with all the others her friend ever sent her.
Then she found a note on her door from the front office after Elias dropped her off to get ready. When she went to retrieve her delivery, it was chocolates and flowers from her friend. Eri could admit she’d cried a little, but far less than she had the first year after the assault when her friend had shown up with dozens of flowers, balloons, chocolates, and the teddy bear Eri slept with most nights.
There was no way she was going to keep Avian from spending the day with Marco, even if she’d been falling apart on the inside, because she’d been there for Eri at every turn, going above and beyond.
“I don’t think it’s a bad thing that you keep thinking about it,” Avian responded. “I think it means that you’re comfortable dating him. Have you spoken to Cherell about it?”
Eri shook her head. “No, not yet. My next session is in a week, and we aren’t dating, I don’t think.”
“What do you mean, you don’t think?”
“Well, we’ve gone out but haven’t talked about it.”
Avian propped her arm on the back of the couch, resting her face against her hand. “Do you want to date him?”
“I…maybe. I’m still scared,” Eri admitted. “Officially dating him and putting that title on it might change things. I’m comfortable with the dynamic we’re currently in, and I know the mind has a way of playing tricks on you when things shift from what you’re used to or comfortable with.”
“I understand that, and you do not need to rush into anything. Elias has been patient this long. I don’t see him having an issue with you taking things slow, but you need to talk to him about it and establish what you are or where you see the two of you going. It’ll help both of you if you have it out in the open, and it would be unfair to keep him blowing in the wind while you’re deciding.”
“Trust me, I know. Not knowing what I want from him has played a big part in my trying to keep him at bay because my indecisiveness is unfair to him when he’s clearly shown me what he wants.”
“At least you aren’t being selfish about it,” Avian responded.
