Luckily, I don’t get a chance to beg him for it.
His hips buck a few times before Azrael allows his head to fall forward to rest on my shoulder. He lets out a low groan before he stops moving and flops back against the chair, limp. I collapse against him, my breathing heavy as I come down from whatever the fuck just happened here.
He moves his hand off my hip and rubs it up and down my back as he works to catch his breath. Neither of us says anything, and the silence is kind of peaceful.
A few minutes later, he stiffens. I sigh, part of me already knowing that he’d have post-orgasmic regret.
If I were even slightly in my right mind, this would’ve never happened. I know doing anything with Azrael is a recipe for getting hurt, but I let myself get lost in the moment. I didn’t think too hard about what I was doing, and now, I have to pay the price.
He unwinds his fist from my hair and pinches the bridge of his nose. “We shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why? Did you not enjoy it?” I ask, my voice small and vulnerable.
I just had the best orgasm of my life, without him even taking off any of my clothes. I had hoped it felt as good for him as it did for me, but I guess I was wrong.
“Of course I fucking enjoyed it. I haven’t come in my pants like that since I was a teen. We shouldn’t have done that because I can’t be what you need, little bird. I will never be the man you need, and I shouldn’t have let things get as far as they did,” he growls as he stands up, unceremoniously dumping me off his lap.
He stalks a few feet away from me and shoves a hand through his hair. Tilting his head back, he stares sightlessly at the ceiling.
I scramble to find my footing at the unexpected motion and not fall on my ass. When I’m upright, as surge of anger flows through me.
How dare he assume what I do and don’t need. He doesn’t get to make those decisions for me.
Walking around him, I jab a finger into his chest. “How do you know what I need? You barely know me, Azrael.”
Letting out a low growl, he steps up to be toe to toe with me. Wrapping an arm around my lower back, he hauls me against his front and gets in my face.
His voice is softer than his pissed-off expression would suggest when he says, “I know you well enough to know that it’ll never be just physical between us. You need an emotional connection that I can’t give you. Not now and not ever.”
“You don’t know that,” I argue, even though he’s spot on. I’ve never been able to have casual sex, because I get too attached.
And I know there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that I’ll be able to keep my feelings out of it if Azrael fucks me. I’ll just fall harder for the infuriating man than I already, stupidly, have.
No good can come from sleeping with him, but I’m too stubborn to admit it.
“Tell me you can keep it to just sex,” he practically begs. “Tell me that, and I’ll bend you over my bed right now and fuck you raw. I’ll have you screaming my name within minutes and forgetting your name right after I sink my cock into your tight cunt. I’ll ruin your pretty little pussy for any other man that comes after me, little bird, as soon as you tell me that you can keep feelings out of it.”
As much as I want everything he just described, I know that I can’t do what he’s asking.
“I can’t,” I whisper.
He lets go of me like I burned him and turns his back on me. Stalking over to the long cabinet with the liquor bottles, he angrily picks up a glass and pours amber liquid into it. He tosses the drink back in one gulp and makes a move to pour himself another.
Without turning back to me, he mutters, “This was a mistake.”
My heart feels like it shatters in my chest at him calling what we just did a mistake.
A tear drips down my cheek as I turn and numbly walk over to the door. More run down my face as I pull open the door and walk out into the hallway, letting it softly snick shut behind me.
CHAPTER 34
LARK
Iwake up slowly, lingering in the half-awake, half-asleep state for a while. When I eventually blink open my eyes, it’s to realize that the bed is completely empty.
After the shit show with Azrael yesterday, I locked myself in the room for a while. I needed time and space to get myself together after tasting his blood, getting thrown into a bad decision haze, and having him tell me that everything between us was a mistake.
I know Azrael and I are going nowhere. I know I have no future with him. But I still thought we had shared a moment. That what we did meant something to him, like it did to me.
