“But I didn’t. I was too self-absorbed to see what was happening before it was too late. I let her down, and now she’s gone. And I can’t ever make it right.” My voice breaks, and a fresh wave of tears slips out.
Before Rook can respond, Colt places his hands on my hips and spins me around to face him. He brushes the tears off my cheeks before cupping my face in his hands and making me look up at him.
“Sometimes we let down the people who mean the world to us. Sometimes we don’t even realize it until it’s too late. Sometimes we never get the chance to make it right—no matterhow much we wish we could. That doesn’t make you a bad person, sweetheart. That doesn’t mean you deserve to hurt.”
I scoff. “What do you know about letting people down, Colt? You’re the poster boy for having it all together and always being there for everyone. You regularly volunteer with orphans, for fuck’s sake. There’s not an ounce of fuckup in you.”
He huffs a laugh. “I was supposed to be there the night my mom was killed, and Remy was hurt in the attack. But I wanted to hang out with a friend instead, so I left them on their own. If I had been there, maybe she would’ve lived and Remy wouldn’t be scarred for life. Trust me, Lark, I know more than anyone ever should about letting down the people you love.”
“I’m sorry,” I croak.
He gives me a bittersweet smile. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It happened a long time ago. I’ve dealt with my grief and anger and self-hatred. I’m okay now, and, one day, you will be too.”
My bottom lip wobbles as I try to fight back more of the damn tears. “It doesn’t feel like it.”
“I know. And it’s probably not going to feel like it for a long time. But if you surround yourself with people who get it and care about you, you’ll get there. You’ll eventually be able to forgive yourself, and life won’t hurt so much anymore.”
“What if I don’t want to forgive myself?”
It’s not like I deserve it. There will never be anything I can do in this life to make up for what happened to Wren. Without atoning, how can I be absolved?
He shrugs. “Then you’ll end up like Azrael.”
I’m quiet as I mull over everything he said. My heart hurts for Colt and all he’s gone through but also for Azrael.
Even though Azrael’s been an asshole in ninety percent of our interactions, I still feel for him. If I look hard enough, it’s easy to see how much he’s hurting, and that hurt is why he acts as he does.
At the same time, struggling doesn’t give him a free pass to be a dick. It’s each individual’s responsibility not to take out their pain on others. If I can manage not to be a raging jackass to everyone, I bet he could too.
After we’ve been standing in the hallway for several minutes, Colt lets his hands drop away from my face and steps back. “You wanna go watch the movie now? Or do you wanna head home? No one will be upset at you if you’d rather bail after everything.”
The last thing I want is to be alone with my thoughts right now. A movie with guys I’m starting to care too much about sounds like the perfect distraction.
“I still want to. Do I look like I’ve been crying?” I swipe my hands over my cheeks a few times, hoping that can erase any signs. I don’t want everyone else to know what happened.
Colt runs his gaze over me before grimacing. “A little. Your eyes and nose are still pretty red.”
I huff a laugh at how apologetic he looks for telling me the truth.
“You can use my bathroom to freshen up,” Rook offers. “Splashing cold water on your face might help with the redness.”
I flash him a relieved smile over my shoulder. “That would be great, thank you.”
Although, I’m a little confused why he has a room at Colt and Remy’s dads’ house. I figured the guys lived primarily at the loft over their shop. They must spend a decent chunk of time here, though, if they all have rooms.
“I’ll go make sure everything’s ready for you, then. Anything you want to watch?” Colt asks.
“Nothing sad, please.” I’d like to be done crying for the rest of the night, thank you very much.
“Can do. See you in a bit, sweetheart.” Colt presses a quick kiss to my hair before he stalks off down the hallway, his footsteps silent on the plush gray carpet.
Colt seems to have a thing for kissing my forehead or hair. I don’t know why he’s been doing it so much, but I kind of love it. Not that I’d admit that to anyone.
Rook snags one of my hands with his and leads me the opposite direction of where Colt disappeared. Unsure of where Azrael is and not wanting to start any more problems, I keep my gaze trained on the charcoal carpet with faint vine designs running through it.
I’m so committed to keeping my gaze down that I almost bump into Rook’s broad back when he stops in front of one of the nondescript white doors.
He pushes open the door and leads me into what I assume is his room. It’s decorated in shades of black and purple, with chunky espresso wood furniture scattered throughout.
