Hal grips the hand I hold out in his, steadying it. My breath catches in my throat at the touch. He then pours a handful of Skittles into my palm before reluctantly releasing me. Giving me a small smile, he turns back to look at the water as I pop a few into my mouth.
We quietly munch on candy together for a few minutes, neither of us saying anything. Hal’s right that the sugar rush makes everything feel a little less crushing.
“So… you wanna talk about what happened?” Hal asks.
Not particularly, but I get the feeling Hal’s not going to let it go.
I try to shrug as casually as I can to keep Hal from asking about it further. “I just had a bad dream about my sister.”
Does it count as a nightmare if it’s just memories jumbled together? During the day, I get a slight reprieve from what happened. But at night, I relive it over and over and over until I make myself sick.
I wake up most nights screaming Wren’s name, like that’ll do anything to fix it. That’s one of the reasons I moved out from Charlie and Coop’s place. We originally lived there together when we first moved down here. But I moved out three months ago because I don’t need Charlie and Coop to see how messed up I still am.
The two of them already worry about me way too much. I want them to be able to live their lives instead of fussing over me. I already destroyed one life because no one thinks I can take care of myself, and I refuse to do it again.
Neither them nor their parents like that I’m living on my own in a rundown apartment complex. But all of them know better than to try to put me into another pretty cage. I don’t think I’m strong enough to survive that again.
I see Hal looking at me from the corner of my eye, but I don’t turn to face him. “What happened to make it a bad dream?”
Closing my eyes at the question, I debate making up a reason. But something in me recoils at the thought of lying to Hal. Blowing out a breath, I open my eyes and stare sightlessly at the churning water that looks black under the moonlight.
“It ended with the night she… died,” I choke out, struggling to even say the word.
It feels like if I say that Wren’s dead out loud, it’ll make it real. If I don’t ever say it, then there’s some chance that she might come back, despite logically knowing that’s not how it works.
There’s a beat of silence before Hal wraps an arm around me and tugs me into his side. I let him and lay my head on his chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart. “I’m so fucking sorry, wild girl.”
“Me too,” I rasp.
He holds me quietly for a long moment before whispering into my hair, “When did it happen?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Six months ago.”
Hal makes a pained noise in his throat and hugs me tighter to him. “No wonder you look like your heart is breaking all the time. Hardly any time at all has passed. When I lost my twin, I couldn’t function for, like, two years straight. I’m impressed that you’re even out of bed right now, honestly.”
I pull back to look at him in shock. “You lost your twin?”
From how upbeat Hal is all the time, I’d never have guessed that he lost anyone or was hiding any heartbreak behind his perpetually laughing green eyes.
He gives me a sad smile. “Yeah. My twin, Camdon, died when we were fourteen.”
“I’m so sorry, Hal. What happened?” I ask before wincing and realizing how rude that question is. I sure as hell don’t want to talk about what happened with Wren. Not now and probably not ever. “I shouldn’t have asked that. I’m sorry.”
His lips tip up at my apology. “You’re good. It happened long enough ago that I don’t mind talking about it anymore. Talking about Cam makes me feel closer to him, too. He died when the two of us were attacked while we were goofing off in the woods.It happened a very, very long time ago, and I still miss him every day.”
His voice is steady on the surface, but I can hear the undercurrent of pain. The type of pain that steals your breath and feels like someone shoved a hot knife into your chest.
My heart hurts for Hal. I have the urge to give him a hug, not even remotely having any words to say to make any of this better. Biting my lip, I eye him for a moment before giving in to the impulse and throwing my arms around his broad shoulders.
He stiffens in surprise before banding his arms around me and crushing me to his chest. Hal buries his face in my neck as he holds on to me like I’m the only thing anchoring him in a violent storm.
I hug him for as long as he needs, trying to lend him the little strength I have. I absently run my fingers through his brown hair and gently scratch his scalp until he groans into my neck. His hot breath feathers over the sensitive skin there, and I shiver as he pulls back.
Giving me a smile brimming with emotion that I can’t quite place, Hal slings his arm back around my shoulder and tucks me into his side.
There’s a beat of silence before I hesitantly whisper, “Does it ever get better?”
Hal closes his eyes for a moment before he opens them and stares down at me with sorrow and hope warring in his gaze.
