When I can finally draw in a breath past the sobs doing their best to strangle me, I meet Coop’s blue eyes drowning in a grief so visceral it makes me physically hurt. “Why wasn’t it me?” I choke out. “Why wasn’t it me?”
When I shake myself from the memory, I look back at Coop, who’s watching me worriedly. “You deserve that, too, Coop. You and Wren both deserved a happily ever after,” I manage to force out past the lump in my throat.
“Yeah,” he whispers as he wraps an arm around me. I let him pull me into his kind of sweaty chest as we try to take strength from each other.
“How can I trust myself after Andrew?” I whisper.
Andrew was my first serious relationship. He was supposed to be my future. He was supposed to be a good man, but he turned out to be nothing other than a slimy little snake who only wanted a subservient wife who would boost his social status.
Coop pulls back to look at me, his face lined with understanding. “That wasn’t on you, Lark. He is an incredibly manipulative piece of shit, just like his older brother. He used every trick in the book to get you to choose him. He didn’t play fair, and that’s not on you.”
“But I fell for it.” I was so damn desperate for someone to love me that I fell head over heels for the first shifter guy to show me any attention. I ignored all the things he did that made me uncomfortable and all the warning bells he set off.
“You did, but you know that now. You know that isn’t what love looks like. You know you deserve to be treated better. While there are a lot of guys like Andrew, there are a lot of ones who aren’t. You just have to find the right ones.”
“What if I can’t figure out who the right one is? What if I fall for it again?” I breathe.
I don’t know how I can ever trust myself again when I let Andrew manipulate me and treat me like absolute shit. Sure, Rook, Hal, and the others all seem nice enough, but Andrew did too.
I’m completely and utterly terrified that any guy I try to date will end up being like Andrew. And I barely survived him. I don’t know if I’ll get as lucky a second time, so it’s easier and safer to stay single for the rest of my life.
Coop crosses his arms and stares me down. “Then Charlie and I will help you pull your head out of your ass.”
I huff a laugh.
Charlie never liked Andrew. She warned me away from him from the start, but I was too blind to who he really was to listen to her. I wasn’t really close enough with Coop for him to say anything about Andrew, but I could tell he didn’t like him either.
If I ever feel brave enough to put myself out there again, I guess I need to run the guy, or guys, by Charlie and Coop first. They seem to be better able to tell who is and isn’t garbage personified.
Chewing on my lip, I stare over Coop’s shoulder for a long moment. “Do you ever wish it was me instead of her?”
His brows shoot up in surprise. “What? Of course not, baby S.”
I close my eyes, not able to look at him for this conversation. “How can you say that?”
“I can say it because it’s true. First of all, you are an amazing person who deserves so much more than the hand you’ve been dealt. You deserve to find love and peace and happiness with some amazing guys, and you’d never get that chance if it had been you. And, selfishly, I wouldn’t want her to have to live with the pain that we do. The type of pain that makes every breath a challenge and every day feel impossible. I know how fucking devastated she’d be if it had been you instead, and I would never want to put her through that.”
Leaning my head back against the bare drywall behind me, I finally open my eyes to look at Coop. “You’re a really good guy, Coop. I hope you know that. I know moving on isn’t an option, but I hope someday you’ll at least find peace and contentment.”
He gives me a sad smile but doesn’t say anything. I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t believe his future will ever be anything other than feeling like someone took a sledgehammer to his heart.
If it hadn’t been what Wren wanted, I don’t think either of us would be here right now. Time will tell whether it’s for the best that we’re here, doing our absolute damnedest to live the life she wanted for us.
And part of what she wanted was for me to take care of Coop. And he really needs a pick-me-up right now.
I jump off the workbench, trying to force myself to seem upbeat for Coop’s sake. “So, how ’bout we go on a ride? You take one of the 600s, and we can race through the twisties. If you’re not scared to lose, that is.”
I raise an eyebrow and give him a challenging grin that I don’t feel.
Coop gives me a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, but he doesn’t turn me down. “Let’s see if your riding can back up your big mouth, baby S. Loser has to clean everyone’s bikes.”
CHAPTER 10
LARK
My steps are unsteady as I navigate up the winding spiral staircase to the second floor. It’s probably from the shit ton of expensive champagne I’ve downed to make it through spending time with my family and their horribly fake friends.
Tittering laughter, pretentious music, and subtle one-upmanship float up from below, and I want to puke at the fakeness of it all. I don’t know how my wild big sister who loves death metal, hates fancy parties, and always dreamed of a wedding as far away from this house as possible could allow her rehearsal dinner to be like this.
