“I know it feels that way.” His tone is patient, gentle even, as though he’s talking to a child who doesn’t understand what’s best for her. “That’s what their magic can do. It makes you think you want what they want. But you’re safe now. We’re taking you home.”
Home.
Maybe once that word was connected to the palace, to myfather and my sister, but now when I think of home, I see golden eyes and a sardonic smile.
“You don’t understand. The fae aren’t what we’ve been taught to?—”
“We can talk about it later. Once you’ve had time to rest, and the mages have had a chance to examine you.”
“Mages?” I whisper.
“Yes. The king summoned them to the palace. They’ve been trying to track you through magic. It was sheer fluke that Nella came downstairs at the inn while we were there. When she saw us, she managed to slip a note to me, telling me you were there.”
I twist to look at her.
“I couldn’t believe it when I saw Brennan. I waited until the serving woman was in the kitchen, and then told him where to meet us.” She’s looking at me like she’s waiting for me to thank her.
Brennan pats my hand. “The mages will remove whatever enchantment the fae caused. We just have to get you home.”
“There is no enchantment!” I pull against his grip and get my arm free. The horse sidesteps, startled by the sudden movement, and Brennan has to grab the reins to steady it. “I wasn’t beguiled or whatever you think happened. I stayed because I learned the truth about what we’ve been doing to them?—”
“Alleria.” His arm locks around me again, and I fight to free myself. “Stop! You’re going to hurt yourself.”
“Listen to me!”
“Iamlistening, and everything you’re saying tells me how much they managed to get inside your head.” His voice is so patient, so utterly certain. “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”
I want to scream at him until he hears me, but it’s clear from his voice that he thinks I’m being hysterical. So, I stop fighting.Struggling against him isn’t going to work. I need to think.
What did Cairn say about the bond between us? That it was supposed to be one way, and isn’t … He said it works when emotions are high … strong feelings open a channel.
Can I reach him?
I close my eyes.
Cairn?
I push toward the connection, pouring everything I have into it. Fear, and desperation, and the aching need to know if he felt what happened.
Cairn, please. I need you to hear me.
I build an image of his face in my mind, his voice, the way it felt when his body was on top of mine. I think about the way he laughed this morning, and how his fingers stroked through my hair.
Please.
Nothing happens.
But what am I expecting to happen? Every other time I’ve managed to connect to him, it’s happened on its own. I don’t know how to force it or make it work when I need to, and the frustration of that is almost worse than the fear.
“We will stop soon to rest the horses, and eat,” Brennan says.
I don’t answer. What is there to say?
We ride in silence for another hour before Brennan calls a halt near a meandering stream of clear water. Brennan helps me down, and my legs buckle when they hit the ground. After hours in the saddle, the blow to my head, and the fear that won’t stop churning in my stomach, it’s no wonder I can’t stay upright.
Brennan steadies me without comment, his hand firm on my elbow.
“Can I … have some privacy?” I gesture toward a cluster of bushes. “I need to …”
