“There.” His voice is soft, almost satisfied. “That’s better.”
I stop, my breath coming in short, sharp gasps. I can’t look away from his eyes. Gold and burning with an intensity that steals my breath. I don’t understand what he wants from me. Why making me beg puts that look in his eyes. Why his thumb is still stroking my throat like he’s calming a frightened animal.
“Kneel.”
My legs fold instantly. I’m on my knees before I can think, his hand sliding from my throat as I go down. The furs are soft beneath me.
“Tomorrow. Dawn. Someone will come and fetch you.”
The relief that courses through me is so intense my vision blurs.
“Thank you.”
The change in his expression is immediate. The satisfaction vanishes, replaced by something hard and dangerous.
“Don’t. Don’teverthank me.”
“I didn’t mean?—”
“Get out of my sight.”
I scramble to my feet and retreat to the furs, heart racing, one hand pressed to my throat where I can still feel the imprint of his fingers.
He ignores me for the rest of the evening, sitting in his chair, and studying the maps spread across the table. I curl up on the furs and try to make myself invisible.
Tomorrow, I will see the sky. I’ll be outside of this tent and breathing fresh air. I’ll feel the sun on my skin.
I press my face into the furs and try to sleep.
I wake up drowning.
Water in my mouth. My nose. Everywhere. I can’t find up, I can’t get air. I’m choking. My lungs are burning with the desperate need for oxygen.
Hands haul me upward. I break the surface and everything comes up at once—water, bile, sounds I shouldn’t be able to make. I’m choking, retching. My body heaves and heaves, while I throw out a hand to try and stop me going under again. My fingers touch something cool, and I hold on, shaking so hard I can barely keep my grip.
The coughing doesn’t stop. Every time I try to breathe, morewater comes up.
Get out. I have to get out.
I lunge sideways, still choking?—
Something slams down on my shoulder and shoves me back. I go under again. Just for a second. Long enough to swallow more water before I’m hauled up, coughing and retching all over again.
“Sit still.”
The voice barely registers. I’m too busy trying not to die, trying to get air into my lungs.
Water. I’m in water, and it’s so cold it makes my bones ache. I try to get up again. The hand shoves me down.
“I said sit.”
Slowly, the coughing eases enough that I can suck in air without choking on it. I look up through eyes that sting.
Cairn is crouched at the side of whatever I’m sitting in, watching me choke.
He almost drowned me. How? Why?
“You smell like dirt and human.”
