He always wears his seat belt. Always.
“Dad, wake up!”
My efforts are useless. His body falls limp from his steering wheel and farther from my grasp.
I’ve never felt more alone than in this moment. But I can’t give up yet. I won’t.
I brace myself on the center console, reaching for him, but he’s already halfway submerged in the water and stuck on something below the waist. It’s too dark to see.
“Wake up! We have to go!” I grab his wrist, and I pull with all my might, but he doesn’t move an inch.
Water pours in faster, flooding the inside of the car. I use both hands to try and save him, but the water rushing in is pressing heavily on my shoulders, and I start to lose feeling in my fingers.
“Dad!” I scream, my voice breaking. “Please!” I sob uncontrollably as my grip fails again and again. “DAD! WAKE UP! WE HAVE TO GO!”
Nothing.
And I know the reason why.
With no seat belt and no air bag, my dad was gone the moment we hit the water. I knew it, but I couldn’t admit it to myself.
Until now, when flight begins to take over my instincts. I need to face the truth if I want to survive.
“Dad,” I say, this time softer, “I know you didn’t mean to. It’s okay.” My vision of him is blurry now as tears overflow. “I’m going to be okay. Okay? I forgive you, Dad. I’m sorry for…for everything. Whatever I did. I’m sorry.” I almost can’t say the next words, but he’s fully submerged now, and I’m out of time. “I love you, Daddy, but I have to go,” I choke out. “I have to go now.”
I lift my chin and take a deep breath before going under. I hold his hand for another moment, sinking with him in silence. For a split second, I contemplate staying. Drowning is one of the worst ways to go—so I’ve heard—but it seems more peaceful than the pain I am already in. My lungs are starved for oxygen, alerting every cell in my body that it is time to flee. I find the silhouette of my dad’s face in the dark river water that is now swallowing us whole.
And then I let go.
Guilt crashes through my core, more painful than any of my injuries, when I push through the open passenger window and reach the surface a few seconds later. The agony of leaving him behind hits me over and over like a tidal wave, and then I scream.
I scream for my dad.
I scream from the physical pain coursing through my head, my limbs, and the wide-open cut on my stomach.
I scream at the water that carries me away from the person I love most in this world.
And I scream for help.
I scream. I swim. I breathe.
I scream. I swim. I breathe.
A voice echoes in the distance, but I don’t know where I am. I don’t know how long I’ve been drifting. It’s pitch-black now, no moon to illuminate the water, no stars to wish on. Just darkness.
The voice calls my name again, and my body rocks.
“Avery.” They’re closer now.
“Avery!” Danny’s concern cut through the memory, waking me from the nightmare. He knelt beside me with his hands on my shoulders, the crease in his forehead disappearing when I met his eyes.
I gripped his forearm as I struggled to come to terms with reality, barely aware of the pool of sweat beneath me.
“Hey, it was just a dream. It’s not real,” he reassured me.
I shook my head and wiped away tears, the grief and guilt squeezing at my heart.
A figure in the doorway shifted, and I looked up, finding Liam resting against the doorframe with a furrowed brow and groggy eyes, a half-asleep Milton, and Lexie slumped between the two of them.
