My grip on the journal loosened, and it fell from my grasp, down into the river.
A piece of my father gone forever.
I held on to my breath, too afraid that if I let it go, I’d realize the mistake I’d just made.
“How did that feel?” Liam tilted his head, so he could see me. His hands made a soothing motion against my arms. “Are you okay?”
Heart pounding, I nodded and held another journal over the rushing water. This time, a tiny weight lifted from my chest as I let it go, and I finally exhaled.
My thumb grazed my father’s initials as I grabbed the remaining stack in both hands. I looked down at the worn leather I had been holding on to all these years, wondering if I’d regret not having them tomorrow morning when I came to my senses, but both my head and my heart were screaming at me to let them go. To let that part of him go. I needed to stop holding on to the pain my dad hadn’t been able to heal from and work toward healing myself. He’d locked these in a drawer for a reason. He wouldn’t have wanted to be remembered this way. Even in the end, I knew he hadn’t wanted to hurt me, and these journals had done that to me long enough.
It was time I remembered my dad for the memories that made me happy. I wanted to love him for his good parts, for I had already forgiven him for the bad.
I released my hold on the journals and leaned over the railing, watching as the river swallowed them in its current. The weight of ten years of grief lifted off my chest all at once, and I had to gasp for air.
I turned and threw my arms around Liam’s neck and let him hold me. It wasn’t until I looked back at him that I saw him crying with me.
“Thank you, Liam. Thank you for helping me get here.”
“I’m so fucking proud of you, Av. That was incredibly brave. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now.”
A smile pulled at my lips as I looked behind me at the edge of the bridge. “I feel like I can start living again.”
Nina was waiting for me back at the house when we returned. She saw my puffy red eyes but assumed it was me just getting emotional over moving out.
With the entire band and Nina helping me load up my car, we were done in a matter of minutes. Liam quietly loaded up the last of my books into my trunk. His shoulders slumped as he leaned against my car and shoved his hands in his front pockets.
“You know you can always stay,” he said, grinning. “I can talk to the guys.”
I looped my arms around his middle, dug my chin into his chest, and peered up at him. “I’m going to miss this too.”
He kissed my forehead. “How tolerant do you think Nina is with early morning visitors?”
“Not happening, Liam!” Nina shook her head from the passenger seat. “No one messes with my morning routine!”
We both chuckled.
“I guess I’ll just have to spend the night.”
I raised my brow in agreement.
“Tonight?” he asked.
I shook my head. “As much as I’d love that, I think Nina and I need a good day or so to get settled.”
He made a pained expression. “Oh, c’mon. I think a little codependency is healthy, don’t you think?”
I reached up and threaded my fingers in his messy, dark hair and kissed him. “I have a lot to process. Give me some time, okay?”
“I’ll be here.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.
I sidestepped him, but he snuck in and kissed me again.
“Liam…” I groaned, wanting more and more to stay.
“Don’t forget, Av,” Liam whispered into my lips. “Who are you living for?” He recited the lyrics he had written for me and then opened my car door.
“Jesus, Liam! She’s moving across town, not out of the country!” Danny shouted from the front steps.
