“I don’t need to. He already told me he’d never do what Dad did to Mom and me.”
Nova made a grand gesture as if her point was finished.
“Y’all are right. I was the one not trusting. Not believing…”
Her eyes filled again. Tai had pleaded with her to believe him about the body he lived in, and she’d stumbled around the topic, tripped on it, blinded by her fear. She’d demanded something of him he could not give.
Just as his father had done.
“He tried to tell me,” she said and hid her face in her hands. “He told me over and over, and all I could hear was that we wouldn’t be bloodbound, that he’d be free to leave me any time.”
She had wounded him. She could see it in the flash of memory, in his face as she told him she needed this one thing. This one thing he couldn’t give her but wanted to. This one thing she’d insisted on, just as his father had insisted he overcome his condition or else lose everyone he loved. Claire had told him the same thing. If he couldn’t do what she wanted, he would lose her.
“Oh, Tai.”
“Okay, honey, listen.” Philippa’s voice was soft now. “It sounds like you did hurt him. But you can make it right.”
“I can’t. He said we can’t fix it. I said ‘let me fix it’ and he said no.”
“Well, my guess is you blurted it out in your signature action mode that probably felt to him like you still weren’t listening, especially if he was feeling hurt.”
Shoot. Her friends knew her so well.
“I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what I did.” Claire spread her hands. “So what do I do now?”
“Slow down, let go of action mode,” Nova said with another gentle nudge to her shoulder. “Be ready to show your trust in him. Be ready for it to take time.”
“Yeah. I can do that.” In fact the idea didn’t even terrify her anymore. “You’re right, I can’t just walk up to him and apologize.”
“Well, you canstartwith that,“ Leslie said with a little laugh.
She shook her head. She’d caused him a depth of pain. Her apology had to be equally deep, more than simple words. Something to return his promise, to show that she knew not only that she’d hurt him but why it had hurt, to show above all else that she trusted him. Finally, truly trusted him.
Nova sat up straighter, her eyes sparking with creative intrigue. “Do you need help brainstorming ideas for a truly epic apology?”
“Actually, no,” Claire said. “I know exactly what I want to give him.”
Of course, then she had to tell her plan to her friends, but telling them felt right and good. She didn’t have to be the independent, solitary one. She could trust them too. No, more than that—she could let them all the way in, let them see her hardest feelings. She could let her friends hold her up.
Twenty-Eight
The loss of Claire felt as if some clawed monster had reached into Tai’s chest and torn through his heart. Not torn it out, because it still throbbed in there, raw and shredded, and the inner melody he’d taken for granted since he was a toddler refused to play anything but lament. He ached to text Claire, call her, let her know his old fear was in the past. But despite the last thing he’d said to her, that this couldn’t be fixed, the scales were still uneven, heavy on his side with vulnerability like lead weights.
He’d mulled the problem for hours. Why did all his instincts know despite his heart that he couldn’t make the first move? At last he knew. Claire had to reach for him, believing they couldn’t be bloodbound, believing she’d only ever have his word. It was the only way they could work, the only way they could be right for each other. His trust couldn’t be greater than hers.
Sunday crawled past, and she didn’t text or call. Monday he could hardly focus as he sat at his desk sending emails and making calls to confirm attendance at the next event for Josie Strong. Their “Christmas in July” donor appreciation gala wouldinclude gourmet catering, live string music, and a modest dance floor where at least a few couples always ended up by the close of the evening. The event would result in several additional donations that would more than pay for itself if needed. Instead, a portion of Tai’s untaken salary covered the whole thing, allowing those donations to go straight to the research teams.
By four-thirty he was spinning slowly in his office chair, walking a pen between his fingers, waiting on hold for his last donor to pick up and confirm attendance. The minute he finished the call, he went to Holly’s office and knocked on the door trim.
“Hey, Tai, what do you need?”
It was 4:43. “We’re all set with RSVPs. I tracked down the final outliers.”
“Oh, great. Feel free to head out, if you want.”
“I’d like to do that. Thanks.”
Of course, his boss didn’t know he’d suffered a breakup over the weekend, but her brown eyes narrowed at him. “You okay?”
