“I’m glad, April.” And he would make sure she was able to see her mom face-to-face as soon as he knew it was safe.
April smiled, then nodded to the plate in front of him. “Don’t let me keep you from enjoying Ember’s stir fry.”
While she’d told him about calling her mom, her scent had held a soft, settled peace. Now her tension returned. If only he could simply eat.
But he wasn’t hungry. He didn’t need to eat today. He shook his head. The kindness of his mate…her openness with him… He was trampling it with his inability to talk to her as Rebecca and Arlo advised him to, with his inability to eat the meals she thoughtfully set before him. He was hurting his mate. The scent of her worry, her sadness—he wanted to howl.
April got up and took the chair beside him instead. Her voice was gentle though he didn’t deserve her to be. “Can we talk about it?”
“I don’t know. I…I’ll try.” He would. She deserved honesty. But his heart trembled at the things she might ask him.
“Well, before we get to the hard stuff… Ember told me about her nephew, the whole story. About how you get a phone call when a pup needs a home, and it’s done legally and officially. And I started thinking again about your folks, what they did to you. Is there even a record that you exist?”
“They put my birth certificate into my backpack along with a letter stating they were no longer responsible for my welfare and did not wish to be sought out. When I enrolled in school here, Arlo and Rebecca represented themselves as my guardians, but there was never a custody case. And with my birth certificate in hand, obtaining a driver’s license wasn’t a problem.”
She shook her head. “I just can’t believe what they did.”
“The pack took me in. That’s all that matters now. The rest is over, in the past.”
“Well…I don’t think that’s true.” She tugged the chair halfway around to face him and took both his hands in hers. “Now for the hard part, okay?”
“I’ll try.” He would. Tonight he would. No walking away from his mate. Whatever she wanted to know, he would answer.
“Tell me why you won’t allow the change.”
Stark, cold fear gripped his entire body. Of course this was her question. The one he wasn’t sure he could speak of. He told the truth, but he couldn’t tell all of it. “I’m no longer in danger of dying. I don’t need to change until the full moon.”
“Suppose Drew shows up again tomorrow? Won’t you fight him better if you’re fully healed?”
“That’s hypothetical.”
“Your scars aren’t hypothetical. Your weakness—”
A growl tore from his chest at the shameful word, and he looked away from his mate.
April continued as though he hadn’t interrupted. “—isn’t hypothetical. And the paddock isn’t hypothetical, so don’t try to tell me this is about being a danger to others. If that were your only concern, you would’ve gone there and put the collar on days ago.”
Her words brought the wolf inside to its feet. With effort Malachi remained seated while the wolf inside began a low warning growl. The wolf agreed with April. The wolf wanted out.
“So, I’m asking again.” His mate’s words were gentle as she squeezed his hands. “Malachi, tell me why. The real why.”
“I won’t do it,” he said, half to April and half to the wolf’s demands.
“Why not?”
“Because I won’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t.”
“Can’t what, Mal?”
He clung to her hands as the wolf inside howled. He had felt less fear when he charged the rogues and their guns. “I am in control. Always. I control the wolf. Always.”
“And you can’t…what, allow the change of your form? Why not?”
“Because I can’t.”
