“Aren’t you going to say something?” she said after a long time.
“I don’t know what to say. You’re right about what I want, but not at your expense. Never at your expense.”
“I don’t want to get your hopes up.”
“Ah,” he said. “Let me worry about that.”
“If this situation were reversed, you wouldneveragree to that. You’d be careful with me, and you’d bend over backwards to protect the hope and the heart of your mate. Don’t think you get to apply a double standard here.”
At some point in her rebuttal, Malachi’s breath had gone still. She angled her head up to meet his eyes.
“What?”
“You…what you called yourself. Was that only theoretical?”
She replayed her own words, and a slow heat seeped into her body. His mate. She had called herself his mate. The naturalness of it, the fact she hadn’t even noticed—just as she hadn’t noticed Trevor’s slip at her first cookout. Against her cheek, Malachi’s chest began a low rumble of pleasure. April pressed her hand to his heart, and the strong beats against her palm brought peace to the jumble in her head. This man. This wolf.
“How long will you wait?” she whispered.
“For you?” His voice came as low as hers. “As long as you need.”
“I—I want to be able to—to be with you. But it won’t be soon. At some point you’ll be fed up with waiting for me to—to be ready.”
“No, I won’t.”
“How can you know that now?”
“Because you matter more. And that won’t change.”
His other arm came around her. Now she was held in a circle of warmth, a circle of power that would never be used against her. She had never felt so safe. Not in all her life. Without thinking better of it, she snuggled against him and wrapped her arms tight around him in return, and his breath caught audibly. Then his chest gave a hard heave against her.
“Malachi?” she said into his shirt.
His arms tightened as if with an involuntary spasm, but instantly he gentled his hold. “I apologize. You caught me off guard.”
“How? By holding you?”
“I…” The grit in his voice was so harsh, hardly any voice was left. “I’m sorry. I can’t talk about it.”
Oh, Malachi. She pressed his back as if she could pour comfort through her hands. “What do you think would happen if you did?”
He was silent so long, but he did not let her go. He could not speak, but he did not pull away. Sheltered in his arms, in his protection and care, April felt an urgent yearning to return those things to him as best she could. She was no good as a bodyguard, but he didn’t need her to be. Maybe she could care for him in a way he did need. Maybe she could care for his alpha heart, however it had been wounded. He’d been young; that much she could easily guess from earlier conversations. Not a young man—a young boy. A small pup.
April leaned to look up at him, supported by his strong hands at her back. His eyes were like liquid gold right now, intense and seeming to glow in the dim room. She cupped his face in her hands and traced his sharp cheekbones with her thumbs.
“What would happen?” she whispered.
He blinked, kept his eyes closed for a moment. “Don’t make this about me when you’re the one who just had a nightmare.”
“Oh, nonsense.”
His eyes startled open. “What?”
“It wasn’t my first nightmare. It won’t be my last, and—and you matter too.” She pushed her fingers up into his hair, and he gave a quiet sigh. “Talk to me, Malachi. Tell me what would happen if you opened your past to me.”
“I don’t know what would happen,” he said. “That’s the point. I’ve never…I’ve never opened it to anyone.”
“What if you should? What if sharing it would help? What if you need to face that little pup and let him know what he’s going to become—the strongest apex in this whole country and a deeply ethical man and wolf?”
