“He told Rowdy he was staying at a cabin somewhere in the area, right?” Ari asks Riley.
Riley nods her head.
“Also, he hasn’t been really clear about why he came back in the first place. Maybe to gloat.”
Riley and Ari exchange a look. “Gloat about what?” Ari asks.
“You know. How good his life has been without me.”
Riley clears her throat. “So you don’t know.”
I stare at my friend and set down my fork. “I don’t know what?”
Riley and Ari look at each other again, and I’m getting really tired of these silent exchanges between the two of them.
“Well,” Riley starts, dabbing the last of her ranch dressing off her lips, “Rowdy told me that Ewan has been miserable. Absolutely miserable.”
That’s crazy to hear. “What do you mean? His Army record is stellar. He served his four years of active duty and earned several awards! I read about it online. Because yeah, I was curious, so of course I did some checking up on him.”
“Yeah, but it was after his active service that things took a turn,” Riley says.
“How?” I ask. “He went straight to Individual Ready Reserves after that and then disappeared off the face of theearth. No social media, just a bare bones LinkedIn profile, presumably to keep his resume out there.”
Riley explains, “Well, he has a job in Nashville, and according to Rowdy, that’s all well and good. But as far as we know, he hasn’t been happy. He’s just been existing.”
“He has Pascal,” I say, not wanting to believe there’s something concrete to what Riley is telling me. Hearing his name, the dog pads over to me, nudges my leg, and I give him pets.
“He has no friends in Nashville. He works, goes home to a tiny studio apartment in a not-great part of the city. He doesn’t even socialize with anyone at work. Rowdy checks in with him once in a while, and there are never any updates about anything personal. He works all the overtime he can get until his boss tells him to go home for his own safety’s sake. And then he just goes home and drinks to forget. Rowdy went to see him several times, and he said his place is just a twin bed and not much else. Barely a step above a prison cell. One time, Rowdy was really worried about him, and he showed up unannounced on a Saturday, and he was blacked out drunk and talking about you and how he fucked everything up.”
“Aww,” Iris murmurs, refilling her glass.
My hand covers my mouth in shock. “Oh my god. I can’t believe Rowdy never told me any of this,” I say.
“He didn’t want you to know,” Riley says. “He’d be pretty pissed if he knew we were telling you all this.”
“Why?” I ask. “Why wouldn’t he want me to know he was struggling?”
Pascal goes over to Ari to get petted. Ari says, “Because he knew you were happier without him.”
I honestly can’t believe this. “But he’s dated people since we split up, right?”
“Not as far as we know,” Ari says.
“I don’t know why you’re surprised,” Riley adds. “Have you dated anyone since Ewan left?”
“No! I know people do that, but for me, I just don’t feel right about it until the paperwork is finalized.”
Ari says sympathetically, “I know that, and part of me wonders if neither of you has actually filed because you still love each other and want to be together.”
I slouch in the porch swing like the air has gone out of my sails. Pascal sniffs my socked feet with his wet nose.
“That is crazy to me. To waste all of his twenties not having any fun. Not dating anyone else, but not reaching out either,” I say.
“There’s more,” Riley says. Riley, who’s the quietest of all my friends, is really feeling chatty today.
“My god, what else?” I ask.
I look over my shoulder, then remember that Ewan left to give me some space to talk to my friends. That was something we had argued about before. I had wanted more time with my female friends before graduation; meanwhile, he was trying to talk me into joining the Army. That was the worst night of my life.
