No. We are not thinking about Freddy. Freddy is gone. And besides, I’m married to Kai now. How would it make him feel to know that I’m thinking about a different man?
That thought brought a fresh wave of panicky feeling. Not because of how Kai might feel, but the fact that she was even the slightest bit concerned about Kai’s reaction meant that Lizzie had begun to develop some amount of affection.
The ice around her heart was starting to crack, and feelings were coming through.
No. I can’t. I can’t care about Kai. He’s a business partner; nothing else. He didn’t even want to marry me, but Father forced his hand. Eventually he will come to resent that, and his true colors will show. Iwill notallow myself to be hurt when that happens. No feelings, no pain.
“Hey there, you okay, Eliza?”
Lizzie opened her eyes to find Pixie leaning over her. “I’m fine.”
“You just were twisting your hands like you were trying to make bread dough out of your skirt, which seems like an odd thing to do. Are you scared? You don’t have to be scared. I’ll take care of you.” Pixie patted her hands, the action reminding her of Mormor and Norva. “Ma doesn’t do anything I don’t want her to, and I don’t want her to hurt you. I like you, even if you’re an un-princess.”
Her equanimity had returned, and Lizzie was able to pull up her manners. “Thank you.”
“Hey, if you’re an un-princess because you got married to a not-prince, where is he? Why wasn’t he with you?”
She pressed her lips together at the mention of Kai. “He was at the river harvesting clay for the potter.”
“Peters the potter?” Pixie giggled. “I like his name almost as much as Pixie Pocket. What’s his name? Your not-prince, not the potter.”
“Kai.”
“Kai the guy. It’s a pretty good name. What does he look like?”
The little girl’s line of questioning was not at all helpful in Lizzie’s efforts to shove all thoughts of Kai far away into the darkness where the feelings couldn’t germinate and grow. “He’s a little taller than me. He has blue eyes and dark hair and a ridiculous scruffy beard.”
“Does it tickle when he kisses you?”
The innocent questions surprised her so much that Lizzie breathed wrong and ended up in a coughing fit. Pixie patted her back. “It’s alright. My ma’s hat tickles me when she kisses my cheek, too. I don’t understand why people like beards.”
“No, that’s not—he doesn’t kiss me.” Lizzie wasn’t sure why she was telling the child this, only that it seemed a very good reminder to her weakening heart.
Pixie gasped. “He doesn’t? But why did he marry you if he’s not going to kiss you? No wonder the king said he couldn’t be a prince! But don’t worry,” she added after a moment. “If you’re on your wedding trip, I’m sure that it will happen sooner or later. Though, I suppose it might be a little more difficult now that we’re going to hold you for ransom and Kai is left behind in Todden. But maybe he’ll come after you. That would be very romantic. He could come after you and then kiss you and then your father would re-make you into a princess and we could still get a ransom.”
Lizzie shook her head. “We’re not on a wedding trip. I told you that my father made me get married because he was angry. I didn’t want to do it, so I ran away. I went all the way to Norditch.”
“Norditch? By yourself? But then why is Kai with you now?”
“He came looking for me.”
“Even though he hadn’t kissed you yet?”
She shrugged, repeating the narrative that she had used to make sense of his actions over the long weeks of travel. “I suppose it was worth it to him to have a princess for a wife. He’s a wandering minstrel.”
Pixie waved her knife in front of her. “But you said you were an un-princess now. That doesn’t make sense. Why would Kai go all the way to Norditch for an un-princess if he didn’t want to kiss you? I bet he will when he finds you. You just have to be careful of the beard.”
The coach rolled to a stop and the door flew open before Lizzie had a chance to answer. It was just as well, as the last thing she needed to be doing was thinking about Kai or what it would be like to kiss his bearded face, or trying to puzzle out why he would cross all of Eukarya for a woman he didn’t know.
No feelings, no pain.
“Come on out, princess. It’s time for bed.” The broad woman, who Lizzie realized now must be Pixie’s mother, stuck her head inside.
Pixie hopped out first, jumping lightly to the ground and twirling her knife in her hand. “She’s an un-princess, her name is Eliza, and she’s going to sleep with me and the animals.”
Lizzie was seized by the upper arm as soon as her foot hit the ground. “Hatcher, tie up her hands and legs, but leave the feet loose enough she can walk. We don’t want to have to carry her around to do her business.”
“Aye, Thera.” A grizzled man with a scar running down the side of his face stepped forward and began wrapping a length of itchy rope around her wrists, tying her hands together in front of her.
