“Not yet.”
Casper threw his arms up in the air. “Why in the realms not? What more do you want from me, Si?”
“Well, for starters, how about an apology?”
“An apology? For what?”
“For lying, first of all—or concealing the truth, I suppose. We’re engaged. You’re supposed to tell me if, you know, you’re under a curse or something.”
“It was a fake engagement.”
“You said it was real.”
Casper growled and shoved his hands through his hair, sending droplets of water splashing to the deck. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. “It was only for a week. I told you that.”
“And I toldyouthat you would have to be the one to break it off. Instead, you just disappeared like a thief in the night.”
He was dangerously close to yelling now. “I had to leave, or else all of Nivem would be subjected to the horrors of a ghost ship in their harbor. They will now, anyway, thanks to that little stunt you pulled. What else was I supposed to do?”
“What else? You could have, I don’t know,asked me to come with you.”
He was frozen, as were the rest of his crew. The only sound for a few taut seconds was the wind whipping through the sails. “Why would you want to do that?”
She blew out a long breath. Her cheeks had regained some of their color now, likely from the heightened emotions of their argument. “Because I love you, and I would much rather spend seven yearswithyou than seven yearswaiting.”
A low murmur rippled through the crew, and Casper was reminded that this conversation was happening very publicly. He shook his head. “You shouldn’t love me.”
“And why not?” Sienna’s eyes flashed.
“Because! I can’t give you anything! I’m a cursed man, Sienna. I don’t deserve your love.”
She snapped at him, “Then it’s a good thing that it’s not your choice!”
“What kind of life is this for you? You’ll be separated from your father, from Devri.”
“So I’ll make sure we visit. It won’t be much different than if I moved to another Court.”
His heart was pounding, and his brain was torn between wanting to cross the distance between them as soon as possible and wrap her in his arms, and wanting to push her away from the bleak, dreary future she was reaching for.
She deserves better than me. She deserves a future full of light and warmth, safety and security. A home. Children.
“I’m a ghost, Sienna.”
She was quiet for a moment, and he both dreaded and hoped that his words finally sank in. When she spoke again, it was calm and even. “Do you know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think that you’ve been carrying around a guilt and shame that aren’t even yours for so long that you’re afraid of giving them up. You’re afraid that you won’t know who you are without them. You made a mistake, Casper, but you’re not responsible for every single wrong that happened after. You’re spending your life chasing after atonement that you’ll never find because it was never yours to seek in the first place.”
“It was my music. I was the first through the breach.”
“By that logic, the person who made the paper should also be held responsible.”
“No, that’s—”
“Ridiculous? Yes, it is. You wrote the music, but you did not force Hollander’s to try to sell it illegally. In fact, you’ve been doing everything you can to keep that from happening.”
“I trapped my men here.”
