“It was for your protection, but it will also put a target on you.” Oleks’s eyes whipped around the space. “You aren’t safe here, Raven. And Ivan is nearby. I don’t sense him now, but I have. He is in the castle, it’s as if he is hidden in the walls just out of sight. And there are other eyes.”
The numbness in my chest squeezed tightly, causing me to gasp.
“It shouldn’t last much longer, it didn’t make contact for an extensive period,” Oleks explained, his hands finding their way into my hair, unclipping it and letting it fall out all over him. He brushed through it gently.
“Thank you,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut and allowing myself to just enjoy this moment of solace, even as terror threatened to consume me.
Oleks paused. “Raven, my existence is nothing. I am nothing. I have nothing. No one. And if I ceased to exist, not a single soul would notice or care. Your life is precious, and I will do anything I can to keep you safe. But even that I have failed, you have been poisoned.”
My hand reached up blindly, finding Oleks’s sharp jaw, tracing up it. “I would miss you,” I promised. “You are important. Your value is not equated to what you are doing. It is okay to simply exist. But I imagine this would be much worse if not for you.”
Oleks hummed, but it was clear he didn’t agree with the sentiment.
My stomach bubbled uneasily as it sloshed around. “I miss Sparrow.” The words fell freely on their own, without any cognitive choice.
Her face had been buried behind my eyelids since I had seen her. Since I had held her.
It was an ache that I contended with each day, that I forced out of my mind for the sake of existing.
“I know.” Oleks stroked my cheeks. “You’re freezing.”
“I don’t feel it.” My hand cupped his jaw, my thumb swiping across his bottom lip. “I slept with Julian.” This confession came without any thought.
Oleks flinched, but then he continued to rub my cheek, offering soft comforting circles. “You can’t help but speak, can you? As if the thoughts are propelled directly into the air?”
I hummed my agreement. “A truth serum?” I laughed, my free hand finding the snow, burying into it. “I hate the cold, I’m almost thankful not to feel it right now.”
“I guess, more so the synapses from your brain are misfiring due to a neurological—” He exhaled, cutting himself off. “I hate the cold too.” Oleks’s voice shifted to the point it caused my eyes to flash open.
“You look sad.”
He stared down at me, examining my face. “Pain and suffering are parts of my origin. Until I was saved.”
“I was saved by Julian first. But then I had to save myself. And then save myself from myself. Isn’t that silly?”
“No. It’s proof of your strength. Existing for the sake of survival is harder than any realize. You need something to fuel you. To propel you forward.”
“Sparrow. Jayce. You. Griffin. Enzo. Maverick. Levi. Julian. There are so many reasons now, when before it was only me. But so many more to lose now too.” Kicking my feet out, I stretched on the ground, getting comfier. There was a thick wallof exhaustion that was hitting me hard and fast. “You are the sweetest, Oleks. Even if you don’t want the world to see it.”
Oleks laughed, but crunching in the snow drew my attention, except Oleks didn’t appear perturbed.
“Enzo, I need your help.” Oleks looked up in the direction of the sound.
Enzo appeared above me, his eyes narrowing in concern. “What happened?”
“I was drugged by a prince,” I explained easily. “And now my insides feel goopy and warm. You look angry again. What happened to you being the easy-going brother?”
The familiar wrinkle between Enzo’s brow formed.
“Can you go get Levi? I need help getting her back to Griffin’s room. I would have a hard time doing it alone,” Oleks requested.
Enzo continued staring down, before bending over and scooping me off of Oleks.
“I weigh more than you are letting on,” I voiced out loud as my insides sloshed uncomfortably.
“You’re freezing,” Enzo muttered. “I’ve got her. I can get her up there, I’m sure you have a secret mission that Griffin sent you on. You’re his assassin after all.”
My fist hit Enzo in the jaw,hard. Well, I think it did. I couldn’t feel it at all and he didn’t react. “Don’t be mean to him. You are such an insufferable asshole to everyone else. Deal with your own shit and stop projecting.” I lifted my head up looking at Oleks who was getting to his feet, wiping the snow off the backs of his legs. “I’m safe enough with Enzo. I’ll come find you tomorrow,” I promised.
