Finally releasing him, I stared down at Julian. At the handsome man he had become, the one who had pierced his face to deal with his pain, who had killed to survive, who had witnessed the darkest depths of the world and carried on, who had been drugged repeatedly until he couldn’t allow himself to feel.
In some ways, it was as if I was staring into a mirror. But then it cracked. And all that was left behind was a young man. The one, all those years ago, who pinkie promised he would keep me safe. That he would keep Sparrow safe.
My heart broke all over for him. And I understood in that instance an unreproachable fact.
“I always loved you, too. Too much.” There was shame in the words, but I buried it. I didn’t examine it too closely. “I just didn’t think I should. I pushed it down. Focused my energy on Jayce. But my heart always beat differently for you.” And it had. It was why he was the first to know about Sparrow. Why I had trusted him with her life and my own.
Why it was so easy to believe him, even with the knowledge he had been the Host.
Why I had done my best tonotthink about what happened to him.
If I didn’t examine it too closely, I could pretend he had escaped Violencia and was living a happier existence.
The irony was not lost on me.
Julian stared up at me, his pitch-black pools were no longer foggy. Even in the darkness of this room there was an unmistakable glint, lit up by the moon’s glow. A warmth that filled up all the empty space between us.
“But you recognize that my life is altered now, don’t you? That I can’t promise you a singular spot by my side.” I needed confirmation, for him to understand what he was getting into.That my heart had shattered over the years and each man was claiming a singular broken piece.
Julian’s teeth were bright as he bared them in the replication of a smile. “Raven. this is the happiest I have been in…possibly my entire life.” His voice turned husky, thick. “I grew up alone. An orphan with no family. All I have ever wanted, all I have ever dreamed of, was to be loved. I just wanted someone—anyone—to love me. And then that someone warped and changed intoyou. All I desired was to earn a space by your side. Even as just your friend. You were the first joy I ever had in that Facility, and I would have doneanythingto have protected you from the cruelties there. But it wasn’t enough.”
I didn’t realize Julian was crying, but when I leaned forward to capture his lips again, his tears pooling onto my face. Our grief combining in this moment.
Two sides of the same coin.
Two broken people.
But I was lucky, and I knew it. Privileged to have not felt the depths of loneliness…at least not in the Facility.
But after?
It was all that I knew. Alone in a world that thought I was dead, with nothing left for me.
Not even my sense of self.
My lips moved against his as I flattened myself to Julian, my breasts pushing into his solid chest.
I hissed in surprise as my nipples brushed against…metal? But then his grip on my hips tightened, a low groan filling the space as his cock hardened under me and effectively stole my attention.
This encounter started with a spark, but it was developing into a deeper, more unsettling and terrifying emotion.
Love.
And I let it. Levi and Jayce proved to me that I could be loved, and I wanted to show Julian that now.
Releasing his lips, I peppered kisses across his face, covering him with the love he deserved. “You are Julian. A kind sweet man who was left with no choice but to survive. And you did so forme. And I love you for that. I love you for who you are.”Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.“For persevering even when I know you went through the darkest hours.”Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.“For being my best friend through everything. For surviving.” The saltiness of his tears coated my lips as he fell apart below me, but I licked them away. “I want you, Julian. Desperately. Please?”
“Raven.” My name was a plea on his lips. A begging demand.
One that I planned on answering.
I did not expect Julian to go through all that he had and to still be thisgentle.But he was. His soft hold on me, not pressuring or pushing even as I rolled my hips over his hard length. He didn’t plan on taking anything from me.
An appreciative moan left me. “Julian.” Examining him, I scrutinized his face carefully. I had to confirm that he wanted this. That he needed this as much as I did.
Satisfied, I reached down, pushing off the borrowed pants, kicking them onto the floor.
The ship must have hit a steep wave because we rocked as I did so, and I lost my balance. But Julian held tight to me, keeping me in place. His fingers dug into my skin and I let out an unexpected gasp.
