“What’s wrong, pretty girl?” His firm touches turn softer as he moves his hands up my spine in slow caresses.
“I don’t want to do this without you.” I swallow the lump gathering in my throat.
It’s silly to get emotional about this. The whole reason I started training is to help my brother. Garrett was only ever supposed to be a stand-in.
“Hey…” He lies down beside me. “I’m still here. You still have me.”
“I know.” Shifting, I roll onto my side to face him. “This started because of Anker, but it’s become about me and you. I can’t imagine crossing that finish line without you.”
He soothes his right hand down my side. “Today will not be the last race we run. That’s a promise.”
Those words surge warmth within me. Promises speak to something more than hope. They speak of plans—of expectations. Even if there isn’t a guarantee, he still makes that promise.
“And if you want me to run a marathon with you, I will. I would do anything for you.” He leans in and brushes his lips against mine. “But is this about wanting to run the race with me, or being scared to do it with someone else?”
“I…” I swallow thickly. “I made such a mess of it the first time with Anker. It took me so long to get here; what if I go back? What if I fail him? Myself?”
“Are you more worried about failing Anker or yourself?”
Somewhere between my brother’s accident and now, this became about me. Maybe it had already been about me, and I had just used Anker as an excuse. Mere hours before I volunteered to do this, I faced yet another disappointment. Not just by Miles, but by myself. The last seven months have been about me taking charge of my own heart. I’m not the woman who waits for things anymore. I’m not the woman who allows herself to be someone’s backup plan, especially her own.
“Myself,” I murmur. “I don’t want to fail myself. I want to do whatever ensures I cross that finish line.”
“And what is that?”
25
MILE TWENTY-FIVE
THE FOUR-LETTER WORD
Pemberley is hauntingly beautiful in the early morning. The not-yet-burned-off marine layer paints the mix of early and mid-Twentieth-century brick buildings on campus with an eerie romantic hue, like the setting of a paranormal romance.
If I weren’t so grumbly about the early morning training session, I’d revel in the campus’s beauty. Thanks to the heat wave strangling the area, our training is relegated to early morning or evening to avoid the oppressive afternoon temperatures. It’s well before eight a.m. on what should be my lazy Sunday morning.
“I’m getting two lattes today. One after this, and then a second one tonight.” I yawn as Garrett and I stride toward the soccer field’s track.
It’s been a while since we’ve trained here. In the early days, we focused on getting comfortable with each other with the track’s known safety. Over the last several months, we’ve primarily hit different parks for a change of scene.
“Someoneinsisted on an early start.” His eyeroll is audible.
“What can I say, I’m a morning person?” Anker’s warm chuckle greets us as we reach the field.
It’s our first training session with Anker. Despite my hesitation after the half-marathon, I am continuing the course I had charted for myself. Part of this journey is about trusting my own decisions. This started as a plan to help my brother and me. The trust and feelings I have for Garrett doesn’t change that. Neither does the fear nipping inside me that I may fail. As much as I need to learn to trust Anker as my guide runner as I do Garrett, I need to do the same in myself.
“Perhaps my least favorite quality of yours.” My grumble is tease-filled.
“With so many remarkable qualities, I’d expect a few would fall out of the top ten ranking.”
“Modesty not being one of them.” Garrett shakes his head. “Shit, the rope. It’s in the SUV. I’ll be right back.” With a quick kiss, Garrett jogs away.
Anker drapes his arm around my shoulder. “Are you sure you still want to do this?”
“Of course. I’ve come all this way.” I jut my chin towards him.
“Yeah, but with someone else… If you want to run with Garrett, I’d understand. You two are a good team. One that I’m pretty sure will go the distance.”
“It’s too soon for talk like that.”
