“You are,” I reply, amused and thankful.
Exhausted, I tip my head against the pillow and close my eyes while Colden works. He takes his time, caring for me as only Colden can, tracing the many witch’s marks covering my skin.
A part of me often wishes we were both more capable of romantic love and commitment than we are, but another part knows this friendshipcouldn’t be better than it already is. If there’s something more out there for me, gods know I haven’t found it yet.
Outside, a wolf howls low and long through the night. I blink open my eyes to find Colden still sitting beside me, staring blankly at the arched window across the room, a million thoughts swirling behind those dark eyes.
“What’s bothering you?” I ask, sliding my hand underneath his.
He pulls his gaze from the window, his thumb rubbing back and forth along the inside of my wrist. “Alexus is in turmoil right now,” he finally says. “Inner turmoil. I feel it, and I don’t like it.”
I remove the cloth from my forehead. “Of course he is. He’sbeenfacing internal conflict for as long as I’ve known him, but of course he’s dealing with it now. He and Raina both. But he’s safe, and he’s also relieved—if what I’m sensing is correct—so try not to worry. We can’t know what happened to make him feel this way. It could be anything.”
Colden’s mouth twists into an annoyed smirk. “Well, we do knowonething that’s happened that might’ve made him feel this way. One very irresponsible thing that was a splendid way to get himself killed. If I know Alexus, he’s currently riddled with guilt, and I, for one, am not upset about that.”
I smile. I can’t help it. Colden has a way of making even the worst moments tolerable.
“We don’t know for sure that it even happened,” I remind him. “And if it did, then they’re two consenting adults who were clearly worried they may not live through this, that’s all. Otherwise, thelastthing Alexus Thibault would do is be intimate with a woman he’s only recently met, much less my sister. And Raina hates him. She always has. She’s just…struggling.”
“Struggling.” Colden laughs. “Is that what the youth callfucking your enemynow?” With a roll of his eyes, he tosses the cloth into the bucket and heads to the liquor cabinet, where he pours himself a long shot of whiskey. “It’snotlike Alexus, and that’s what worries me. He knows the risk of letting his guard down, and for three hundred years, he has, for the most part, refused to do such a thing, even when I pleaded for him to let loose and have some fun. And yet, he meets your sister, and suddenly he’s fucking her in the middle of a frozen forestwhile being hunted by maniac warriors, with nary a care for his life, just his dick.” He tips the glass to his lips and downs the whiskey. “Bit annoying if you ask me, and quite out of character.”
I don’t know what to say except, “Alexus has never experienced ‘nary a care,’ you know this. Have some faith in him. And, as I said, we don’t know for certain what happened between them. I only said I felt their desire and passion. I’m not a seer like Raina. It could’ve been a simple kiss. That could be all it took to send Alexus into a spiral. God forbid he actually let himself feel something for a woman.”
I don’t know the details, though I do know it wasn’t a simple kiss, but I’m not telling Colden that. Of all people, he has the right to care if Alexus is careless with his safety.
“We have larger worries than Alexus’s and Raina’s sex life, no?” I add.
Colden cuts me a pointed look. “Yes, fine. On to my next concern. What if things are worse than you know? What if youcan’tsee everything? What if warriors are on their way down Winter Road as we speak?” He gestures toward the conference table and the map. “You’re worn out. It has to be getting harder to know what’s happening across that forest at all times.”
I swallow hard. My courage to lie to my king withers inside me like a dying flower underneath that dark gaze, but I quickly revive it. If I tell him just how hard it’s becoming, or what’s really happening inside that construct, I fearnothingwill hold him here.
Slowly, I sit up and begin buttoning my shirt with steadier hands. I’m still dizzy but cooler, which has stopped the world from spinning. “I sense enough. I know I need to keep the snow falling because bands of soldiers still roam the stretch of land between Raina and Alexus and Winter Road. I also know that Alexus holds sway over the wolves in the area, so I don’t have to worry about that. I know there’s a wraith I’d like to destroy, and I know I have a prince and his army to prevent from leaving the construct.” I pour and drink another glass of water, relishing the cold liquid on my parched throat. “You being worried that I’m going to fail isn’t helping anything.”
Colden tosses back another shot of whiskey, then pushes off the liquor cabinet and drops onto the setteebeside me. “Can I be honest?”
“Always,” I answer, guilt swirling around the words I’m not saying.
“It isn’t that I think you’re going to fail. It’s that I believe no one can endure what you are for this long and not end up hurt. And I won’t be able to live with myself if anything happens to you.” He rests his hand on my knee and holds tight. “You want to protect everyone, but we all have a role to play. And I meant what I said the other day. I know the prince better than you think. Perhaps he will listen to me.”
I can only gape at him. “Listen?You think he’s here to talk niceties? Are you mad?” I turn on the settee, facing Colden square on. “His hunger for violence is so strong that its vibrations are palpable from dozens of miles away. His heart and soul are far darker than that wraith ever imagined being.”
“He wasn’t always like this.” A muscle shifts in his jaw, and I pity him for the war raging inside him over this man, even if I don’t understand it.
I’ve spent the last eight years with Colden, and I recall only a few mentions of his time at Shara Palace with the prince. He never elaborated on those days some thirty years past, but he always spoke of the prince with a sense of faded nostalgia. It made me wonder how he could possess even a drop of fondness for a man who was capable of following in the bloody footsteps of every eastern ruler before him.
“Just because the prince wasn’t cruel when you knew him doesn’t mean a shred of decency exists in him now,” I say. “Hewantsthis fight. You want to defuse the situation. Andthatis what will get you captured or killed if you do something foolish like trying to reason with this man. I need you here, helping me, because the battle with the prince is?—”
I go rigid, my words clogging my throat.
Colden narrows his eyes at my sudden silence. “The battle with the prince iswhat?”
Gods, the last thing I want to do is tell him the truth. The chances that it will end well are not good.
“Nothing. It’s nothing.” I stand, still weak, my knees shaking as I move to the hearth, my arms folded across my middle. I know I have to tell him. It’s been eating at me all day. He has to know. The village has to know.
Everyone has been preparing to protect the village wall and the castlewithin. But they need to know the time is drawing closer when they’ll actually have to defend.
Colden comes to stand beside me, leaning his forearm on the mantle, his beautiful face inches from mine. “You know, I can read you just as well as you can read me. The battle with the prince is what, Nephele? I’m not going to let this go until you tell me.”
