I know. I was thinking about that too. I was thinking about telling him about the dance before the game. But then I know I’ll want to tell him the rest.
But the scouts…
I know Cadie but idk. I feel like we’re going to be springing this on him no matter what.
It did happen kind of fast.
Not really. We’ve had feelings for each other for a long time, we just never knew how to tell each other.
I’m nervous.
Don’t be. I’ll take care of it. I’ll see you tonight, little one.
You’re gonna do great, Zach!
I lock my phone screen and let my mind go through the motions as I lay in my bed.
Tonight is the big night. Homecoming game night, under the lights, against our second biggest rival. And knowing that scouts from colleges all over flew in to see this game, makes it that much more exciting. I also got word of it earlier in the day that the game sold out, meaning the stands will be packed tonight, turning the pressure on that much higher.
But these things never really affect me. No, at least not until I’m on the field, then I start to feel the adrenaline kick in.
It also might be prevalent to state that during this time, my focus is kind of elsewhere and my nerves are a product of something else entirely.
How the fuck am I going to tell Brayden that I’m dating his sister?
But I have to do it. I just have to. If I don’t, it’s going to get harder to figure out to just tell him.
Things with Cadence lately have been so good. It almost doesn’t feel real. But there’s no pressure whenever we’re with each other and she doesn’t make me talk if I don’t want to but sometimes, I do.
We’ve talked about the divorce a few times, and she brought up Sophie one night so we stayed up texting about her. I realize that talking about her really does help me feel less void of herpresence, because I’ve been bottling up my pain due to her loss for so long.
And then a few days ago at the fountain, the mention of her favorite color and how Cadie wanted to incorporate it into our homecoming outfits was so considerate.
I really do love the girl. Hell, I think I always have but that feeling is scary to admit. Maybe it’s because I don’t know what being in love feels like so the feeling had me confused for so long. Maybe it's because I thought I didn’t deserve the kind of love that Cadence had shown me, or I just didn’t know that it was going to stay so I avoided it. But I can’t avoid it anymore. I don’t want to. I love her.
I almost told her over the weekend at camp, when she was curled up into my arms but then I heard a little snore escape her mouth and I knew she had fallen asleep.
I definitely have to find a way to tell Brayden and as I stare at the wall of my bedroom, knowing that I have to leave in about twenty minutes to get to the school, I feel this sudden wave of courage to do it now. It’s strong. The only problem is, he’s not here so, unfortunately, I have to resort to texting him. Shitty, sure, but I need to get it out now, otherwise I’ll lose the motivation and procrastinate even more.
I sit up and reach for my phone, typing out my message to Bray before pushing send.
Hey man, can I talk to you about something?
yeah, dude. leaving the house in ten, what’s up
Did you know that Cadie is going to homecoming alone?
yeah, honestly that’s how it should be
Well can I be honest with you?
sure
If it were Sophie, I wouldn’t want her to go alone.
dam…
I’m being selfish, aren’t I
