I don’t know yet.
I push send and wait, thinking about what he would be saying right now if I really did drop Zach’s name.
listen Cade I love u. but these dudes are no good for u. the only person I would ever consider letting anywhere near u is Zach
My jaw drops. There’s no way he just said that. Maybe this is my opportunity. Maybe I really can tell him and maybe he won’t be bothered by it at all if he’s practically suggesting it himself.
What?
he’s the only guy I trust but . . . that’s weird, ya know. He’s kinda like a big brother to u
But you’re saying you’d let me go to homecoming with Zach?
I mean, I guess I don’t see why not. he’s ur friend as much as he is mine
Right…
it’s not like u guys like each other or anything
Yeah, no. That would be weird
Shoot.I shouldn't have said that. Why did I say that?
I start typing another text, feeling my pulse vibrate against my neck as I swallow the lump in my throat and hit send.
But what if we did?
did what
Like each other. I mean, it wouldn’t be so crazy right? You said it yourself, you trust him.
uh because he’s my best friend and the only guy in the school who isn’t a fuckboy
I stare at the text. I don’t understand why Bray is so hellbent on me not dating guys at this school. And I’m also starting to not understand what the big idea is about me possibly dating his best friend. My heart starts to ache, because I’m starting to see that there may be no hope.
But then another text comes through.
Cade do u like Zach
What? What makes you ask that?
what u just said to me
I don't have anything to use as a valid response. I hate lying and I feel like I'm already doing so much of that just to see Zach. To protect Bray and avoid whatever negative reaction he might have. I don't want to keep lying and sneaking around all the time, as fun as it's been. I just want to focus on my happiness for once. But I can't stand the thought of disappointing my brother. He's the best one out there, even if he is a controlling asshole sometimes. He's just looking out for me, just as Zach said. But why can'tlooking out for mealso mean allowing me to be happy even if it is with his best friend?
I’ve never really had it hard, and I know that in the grand scheme of things, this is not something to be so hung up about. But for so long, Zach has been the only boy who has ever caught my attention and my little girl crush has turned into something that I desire more than I can fathom. Part of me feels like my heart could break if I had to think about giving him up and we’re so close to not having to hide anymore.
I don’t want to keep taking steps backward.
listen, I won’t have a problem with u two going to hoco, hypothetically speaking. but if u have a thing for him then that’s a different story
How so?
it’s kind of weird
I take a deep breath, feeling defeated by this conversation. But I know that I have to try and get him to come around to the idea that at least Zach and I might be spending more time together or something; especially since we really are spending more time together. Maybe that wil help him realize that it's not such a bad idea if we dated. Anything to get him to not be so upset when we finally do decide to tell him.
Would it really be so bad if he made me happy?
