Zach comes closer, and I lean in a little too, eager to know what it feels like to press my lips to his. He pulls me in, closing the space between us. He snakes his hand behind my neck to help angle us just right and as soon as our faces are centimeters away from touching-
“Hey, Cadie-” we both spring back, moving away from each other frantically as I look over at my door and see my mom, mid knock.
Adrenaline courses through me, but the shock from almost being caught hits me just as hard. I stare at my mom, careful to even breath while Zach ducks his head with his hand brushing the back of his neck.
My mom tilts her head with semi-wide eyes.
“Umm, hi, Zachariah.” My mom breaks the awkward silence and I can tell there is uncertainty in her tone. Surprise.
“Hey, Mrs. Castle.” He gives her a very hesitant wave before he stands and turns to look at me. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” He says as he grabs his bag.
I don’t say a word as I watch him make an exit, walking past my mom on the way out.
“Zach,” she says his name with utter confusion laced in her tone and once he’s gone, she glares at me.
I can’t move. I don’t want to even look at her, but I force myself to feign innocence as I look up at my mom.
“Care to explain what Zachariah Loft was just doing in your bedroom, young lady?”
I sigh, knowing damn well that I’ve been caught. And I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to admit what was just about to happen.
My mom crosses her arms at her chest as she leans against the door frame and I can’t tell what her main emotion is. She’s always been good at hiding her reactions.
“He brought me the assignments that I missed in class today.” A lie. And I instantly regret it.
“You two don’t have any classes together,” she remarks as she walks deeper into my room.
Right. Shit.“Oh, well Bray is out with his girlfriend and Ryen had to work, so I texted Zach and asked him to do it.”
“Right.” My mom lowers her eyes at me before she glances around the room. “And did this homework involve leaning in for a kiss or…”
“Mom! What?” I hold my hands out in defense. “No, that’s not what that-”
“Cadie…” Her tone is a warning. Not a harsh one, but I can tell that she knows I’m lying. Of course she can tell. I’m not very good at it.
My mom comes closer, walking over to my bed and lowering herself to sit next to me. I keep my hands laced and in my lap, not wanting to face her. But I decided that I just have to tell her.
“Can I ask you something without you completely getting all weird on me?” I ask, and she smirks at me.
“I can try.”
“Okay,” I start, nerves berating me as I consider what I’m actually about to do. “Let’s say that you had a brother, and your brother had a best friend.” She squints her eyes at me. “Not let’s say you kind of grew up with that best friend and over the years you kind of, sort of, developed a little crush. Now let’s say that maybe that crush grew kind of out of hand and the older you got, it was harder to deny the crush that you had on your hypothetical brother’s best friend.” I pause, shrugging my shoulders at her. “Do you think that your brother would get mad at you for that? You know… if you had a brother?”
My mom sighs, but it’s not a disappointing sigh or something that I should worry about. It’s one of those,oh, my sweet girl, sighs that mothers do sometimes and I just know that she sees right through me.
“Zachariah, huh?” She smiles at me and I feel a wave of relief wash over me when her eyes reach mine with a calmness.
I let out the breath as I was holding as I sit up. “Yeah, Mom. And he likes me too. I just don’t think that either one of us really knows how to . . . like each other, you know?. It’s kind of complicated.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” She looks down before taking a deep breath of her own. “Have you guys…?”
“What? No! What you walked in on though, might have been almost my first kiss.”
My mother tilts her head at me, softness covering her features as she reaches up and swipes my hair out of my face.
“Listen, you know I love Zach and I think he’s actually a great kid. But he’s also got a lot going on right now and I think on top of having to be concerned about your brother, who is very much real, by the way, you always have to consider what might happen after high school? When you all head off to college and the distance that pulls you both apart. Because it will. And even before college, what happens if he breaks your heart? How will that affect the relationship either of you share with Brayden if it doesn’t get messy before then?”
Damn it. She’s right. These are things I never really considered. And while I’d like to think we’d be able to manage it, there’s no way to really know. How can we tell if we’ll be able to make those things work if we’re already struggling to move forward right now? I mean, it doesn’t seem like a lot of time has passed but we’ve known each other forever and while it’s clear we both have feelings for one another, there's still so much to learn.
