Zach takes a deep breath before opening his eyes, but keeping them lowered at the bed. “You told me you’ve never been kissed before.”
“Oh, yeah…” I trail off as I fall back into my pillow. That forbidden feeling caresses me, somethin akin to anxiety but not as harsh reaches my chest. And my body starts to tingle when he finally pulls his eyes up to meet mine. “What about it?” I ask.
“Well, is that true?” he asks..
“I don’t know why I would lie about something like that.”
“I just . . . I find it hard to believe, to be honest, Cadence.” Zach rubs the back of his neck sheepishly and I find it endearing that he seems so interested in whether or not I’ve had my first kiss.
I have to say, this is not something I would have ever thought I’d be discussing with my brother's best friend. And quite frankly one of my oldest friends outside of Ryen.
“Why’s that?” I wonder, curiosity pulling at me.
“Cadie. You’reyou,” he starts. “Do you not know how many guys would kill to have a chance with you?”
His question confuses me because what is he talking about? Kill? To have a chance with me?
I scoff. “Don’t be silly, Zach. That’s not true.” I shoot him a playful smile but he just shakes his head.
“Guys talk, Cadie. I know it’s true.”
What is happening right now? Guys talk? About me? Since when? I shift a little uncomfortably in my position which causes me to accidentally touch Zach with my knee. But he doesn't say anything, so I don’t move.
“Well, it’s true,” I start to say, a little bit of reticence in my tone but I don’t really have a reason to lie. “And honestly, I’m okay with that.”
“You are?” Zach holds his eyes over mine and I can see the way his chest rises and falls with his breathing.
This moment feels unreal. He’s sitting in my bed next to me, having just brought me over a heating pad and candy, while asking me about my first kiss. Or lack thereof, I should say. I used to lay in this bed and daydream about the day where I might get the chance to tell him I like him, but I never imagined he’d be here with me, alone in my room.
I sit up a little and think about just how vulnerable and honest I truly want to be with him in this moment and I know that no matter what, I want him to know just how much he means to me, even if this doesn’t work out the way I want it to.
“Can I tell you a secret?” I ask him, and Zach reaches over and brushes a few strands of my loose hair off of my forehead before he nods. “Of course you can.”
“Well, I don’t think I ever really thought about dating or having my first kiss, probably ever,” I start, taking a deep breath before continuing. “The truth is, Zach. I’ve had a crush on you for a long time. Pretty much since the day I met you. And for as long as I can remember…” I trail off as I dip my head, closing my eyes and preparing myself for the truth I am about to reveal.
Zach reaches out and grabs my hand; a gesture that I was not expecting and while I thought it might have heightened my nerves to have him touching me again, his touch actually relaxes me a bit.
“The truth is, I’ve always wanted my first kiss to be with you.”
Zach sighs as he ducks his head, and part of me feels like it’s out of disappointment or worry. I start to tense up not knowing what’s going on in his head but the silence between us seems to get louder and I feel the panic start to rise.
“So, you’ve never been kissed?” he asks me, and I shake my head.
He lowers his voice. “Have you ever been touched?”
His question sinks to my core. His whispered tone mixed with the way he’s looking at me gives me butterflies and I have to swallow the lump in my throat before answering him.
“No. I’m- I’m a virgin.”
“Fuck,” he breathes out and I flinch.
He’s upset? Or frustrated or disappointed or…
I pull my hand from his, not really intending to seem upset but it grabs his attention immediately and he looks back up at me.
“No, not like that, Cadence. I’m not- I’m not mad or anything. It’s just, I didn’t know.” I can hear the plea and the defense in his tone, but something still feels sour in my stomach. I just confessed a very personal secret to him, to someone I probably shouldn’t be confessing it to but it felt right. He’s the one I wanted to tell. He’s the one I feel safe with right now. But he reacted as if it were a burden.
“It’s not a big deal,” I lie, trying to wave off my own disappointment but he notices my feigned reaction immediately.
