I just mean, I have a lot going on. And I'm not sure I'm good for you.
Zach, don't say that please. Is there anything I can do to help you? Do you wanna talk about anything?
Something tugs at me. The urge to do something absolutely crazy but she's offering to help me and I think I need to take her up on that. But I know that this is going to be stepping over a line and once it's crossed, I can't go back. But right now, I don't really care.
Actually, can I come pick you up?
What? Are you serious?
Yes, I actually don't want to be alone right now.
Okay, yeah. Let me just tell my mom I'm going to Ryen's.
I'll be there in fifteen.
13
Cadence
Ican’t believe what’s happening right now. I shoot Ryen a text and ask her to be my cover if my mom reaches out for some reason—she usually doesn’t. And even though it's a school night, Mom never really minds as long as we have a way to get to school and that we actually go to school.
I’ve never gone to Zach’s house by myself before and though I don’t think my mom would really mind if I told her the truth, I don’t really want to find out what her reaction would be or what her insinuation would be and I don’t want to risk Bray overhearing, so I tell her that I’m staying at Ryen’s—a lie that is necessary right now.
I knew something was off with Zach though, I could tell in the way he was talking to me. And honestly, I’ve had a feeling since his first game, when he told me that he felt off. But I just chalked it up to the fact that we were both putting ourselves into this unfamiliar territory and sneaking behind Brayden’s back even though we haven’t really done anything except for flirt with each other, really.
I’ve never heard him say he doesn’t want to be alone though. It sounded serious and I wonder what could be causing him to feel like that. It’s not long before he texts me to let me know that he’s parked out front, and I exit the house, taking my overnight bag with me because Ryen does plan to actually pick me up later, seeing as I don’t think I’d be actually sleeping at Zach’s.
I walk out the front door and quickly rush to jump into the passenger seat of his Jeep, eager to not get caught by my mom, and Zach storms off.
Immediately, I’m overwhelmed. I’ve been in close proximity with him before but never alone and never like this. I can feel the vulnerability trying to escape him as he navigates the roads back to his house in silence.
But I’m also overcome by the way he smells. It’s like an ocean and moonlight tangling with something that resembles winter trees. I don’t know how to really explain it, but I can tell that he just recently showered, his hair still wet with little beads of water falling over his brows.
I look over at him, eager to understand why he suddenly asked for me. The whole afternoon texting him turned out to be something I never expected, better or worse, I can’t be too sure. For me, it was kind of a form of clarity. He likes me. And I like him. And it’s complicated. And we’re hiding it from my brother because we really shouldn’t like each other like that. But here I am, in his Jeep and driving back to his house because he didn’t want to be alone. We went from not talking all week because ofa misunderstanding to him nearly going on a date with someone else and now this. So while the conversation held some clarity to it, I can’t help but feel excited while also even more confused all at the same time.
“Thank you.” he says to me, pulling me from my thoughts.
It’s been a while since I’ve heard his voice this close and hearing him talk to me honestly gives me butterflies, more than anything a text could ever do.
“I can’t believe I’m actually here, right now,” I say to him, not really realizing that I just admitted something that might sound so childish or geeky, but I decide not to overthink it because I have no reason to not be transparent with him and maybe it’ll make him feel more comfortable about whatever it is he’s going through.
“Why’s that?” he asks, turning slightly to look at me. His brown eyes eat me up and I have to hide my blush from him before I can answer.
“Well, can I be honest?” I ask him, and wait for his nod of approval. “I’ve dreamed of being alone with you, Zach.” I realize how bold I'm being by admitting my honest truth to him. I know it's risky. But he's the one who took the chance to pick me up from my house, knowing that Bray could find out, so I think I owe it to him to take a little risk here and there too.
“Cadence, you have got to be careful with what you say to me.” His warning hits me right in my core, a feeling I can't say I'm too familiar with. But it makes my eyes grow a little heavy when I look at him and I dare to ask him to clarify.
“How come?”
“Because," he starts. His tone is deep and low. "We’re alone.”
I swallow. “Right.”
We drive the rest of the way in silence and I watch him as he pulls onto his street. The closer we get to his house, the more I can sense that something truly is bothering him. I know that Imight not understand what he’s going through, and I can only hope that he’ll want to talk to me about it, but right now, I know that there is only one thing I can do that might truly calm his nerves.
I risk it, moving my hand over to cover his where he rests it on the center console. He doesn’t move a muscle as I slide my fingers between his. The sound of both of us breathing heavily fills the cab as I caress his skin with my own, fitting our hands together. And then finally, he reacts by lifting his hand and returning the gesture, intertwining our fingers together so that we’re holding hands. The feeling is beyond anything I can ever put into words. It's indescribable. And I can't help but smile the entire time; holding hands until he pulls back into his driveway.
I don’t want to let go, but he turns off the car and jumps out, unlocking our fingers. I follow him, walking up to his front door with nerves caressing my stomach. I wait as he unlocks the door and leads me inside and, in an instant, I’m flooded with this insanely forbidden feeling, like I’m stepping into some kind of dream world.
