I look back up at the front of the classroom and point to the board, the exact subject we’ve been working on all week is written in big black lettering.
“Ohhh, that,” he drags out as I shake my head and roll my eyes at him. You'd think for someone whose grades depend on whether or not he gets to play football every week, he'd be more attentive. But then again, I don't think Coach really cares. Without Brayden on the field, the Timber Wolves don't really stand much of a chance. He truly is the most valuable player.
“You’re taking me home right?” I ask, whispering to him while the teacher continues to speak to the class. “I have student council after school and I think Ryen works.”
“Yeah, but Zach drove me,” he answers and I feel the way my body tenses up. “You cool with that?”
“Ye-yeah. Why wouldn’t I be cool with that?” I stutter. I don’t mean to, and he doesn’t catch it but for some reason, I find myself a little on edge now.
I turn back around and try my best not to let that piece of information affect me. I should have known, and normally that wouldn’t be a problem but It’s been over a week since I’ve last talked to Zach.
He hasn’t texted me, like he said he would, and I haven’t texted him. I’ll admit, it’s been hard and even though I didn’t really want to try and avoid him, it just kind of happened. The morning after the party turned into the next day and then it was the middle of the week and now . . . it’s today.
I don't really mean to not talk to him, in fact I want nothing more than to talk to him. But after seeing that picture of him with Ashley and the little argument we exchanged, I decided to just let it breathe. I feel embarrassed by my actions, to be honest and once I didn’t get a message from him the morning after, I told myself that I might have overreacted a bit.
I didn’t realize that liking him and talking to him would come with some kind of issues that we’ve never had to deal with before and that it might drive us further apart. The truth is though, I’ve always been kind of jealous of Ashley. Or any girl who gets to even talk to Zach, really. When they first started dating, I think I spent every night that week in my room, moping, like an idiot. But I had to get used to the idea that Zach was going to be dating girls, even though I already knew he'd had a few other girlfriends here and there previously over the years. I think that maybe the older we got, the harder it was for me to not imagine that one day it might be me.
When the news broke that he and Ashley had broken up, something in me lifted. I felt a little bit of relief. But there was still nothing much I could do about it because I hadn’t even decided that I was going to try and talk to him yet. And then he left for the summer and now, here we are. And we feel further apart than ever before.
But then I replay the things he’d said to me the night of Bray's party.
In case you didn’t notice, I had my eyes on you all night.
I only have my eyes on you.
But why? How? Since when? And if that's the case, then why hasn't he tried talking to me since then? Why are we acting like we don’t really know each other anymore? And when I see him coming down the hal, I just duck my head. It’s all so awkward and kind of weird.
I guess I had time to come to the conclusion that something about seeing that photo, whether he was blindsided by it or not, made me realize that that might not actually ever be us; being able to be out in the open like that. And if coming to that realization hurt me that badly, then maybe it’s a sign that we just don’t belong together. Maybe my crush for him was never meant to expand into anything more than just a silly fling I dreamt of.
I shake the thoughts from my head realizing that I’ve done nothing but overthink this whole situation. For weeks.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I’ll admit, whenever I get a text, I do kind of hope it’ll be him. Though, I see that it’s Ryen and my hope deflates a little but I quietly reach for it, hearing Miss Riggs still go on about undermining rational discourse and providing logical support for a conclusion.
meet me in the library after class?
I can’t, I have to go to the student council room.
oh shoot. forgot you’re doing that this year.
Why what’s up?
well… maybe I shouldn’t tell you.
Ryen.
right. well you know homecoming is like in a few weeks?
Yes… I know.
i heard that Ashley wants to try and convince Zach to take her.
Of course she would.
you need to do something about it.
What am I going to do? Tell her he’s off limits? Yeah right.
well, he is, isn’t he?
