"Who pissed you off?" I ask curiously, but she just waves me off.
“Not a big deal. Anyway," she huffs as she loops her arm through mine. "How was the car ride this morning?”
“Awkward,” I admit as I think back.
“What? Why?”
“Because I’m dumb,” I start, feeling my cheeks blush with embarrassment as I tell her what happened. “I literally avoided saying anything to him when I got in the car, which isn’t normal. I at least sayheyor something.What’s up, Zach,at the least. But I just got in and kept my eyes down the whole time.”
“Okay? Well, why? What happened?” Ryen and I get to the end of the lunch line in the cafeteria.
I lower my voice to answer her, making sure no one else has a chance to overhear our conversation. “Well, for starters, my brother was there," I state the obvious.
“Okay, but that’s nothing new.”
“Yeah, but I think it just feels different, ya know?”
“Okay, sure . . . but also not really.” She shrugs. "I think you think it feels different because you both feel something,obviously. But I also think you're thinking too much about your brother."
“Maybe you're right. But I don’t really know how to explain it,” I start. “It’s like something has shifted. But we haven’t talked all weekend so maybe I was feeling a little weird about that too.”
Ryen unloops her arms to reach for a tray, handing me one too. We move down the line, picking our lunch items out and then make our way to the self-pay registers. We walk toward an empty table and sit.
“Well, you could have texted him if you really wanted to,” Ryen says as she lowers her tray to the table.
“YOU TOLD ME NOT TO!”
Ryen’s eyes go wide and I realize that I pretty much shouted that loud enough for half of the cafeteria to take notice and my cheeks go red, I can feel them. Perks of being fairly light complected.
Ry grips my elbow and sternly, but not harshly, yanks me down to sit next her and I abide. Embarrassment washes over me for a second and I have to distract myself by peeling my cutie.
“Yeah, but still,” Ryen says as she opens her bottle of apple juice.
“Well, he texted me this morning before picking me up and I only responded with a heart over his message.”
“Oh well, now I can see how you made the car ride awkward.”
I pop an orange slice into my mouth, recalling the morning. After the text message, I jumped in the shower and got ready. Not long later, Bray was yelling at me to hurry because Zach was waiting on us. I was way too nervous as I climbed into the back seat of his Jeep. And while normally I do greet him, he didn't say anything to me either. Brayden of course was blabbing about whatever, but I just kept my head down and acted as if I wasn’t even paying attention to either of them. Usually, the boys just talk amongst themselves about football or parties or whateverand I just scroll my social media the whole time anyway, so it wasn’t too out of the ordinary. But at one point, Bray turned to Zach and asked him, “Dude, why are you so fucking quite?” And that’s when Zach looked up at me from the rear view mirror. It was a risky move considering my brother was looking right at him. But then he looked over at Bray and said, “Sorry, I’ve just been distracted lately.”
In that moment, my heart dropped and if the music wasn't playing over the radio, they probably would have heard my little gasp. But I didn’t want to overthink his answer. I didn’t want to believe that he was referring to me. But then he looked back at me again, his eyes steady on the mirror and I couldn't do much but stare back.
It confused the hell out of me.
“He was the one sneaking glances at me through his rear view,” I finally respond after popping the rest of the orange slices into my mouth.
“BITCH! He did not.” Now Ryen is the one pulling attention toward us and recognizes it the moment the volume of her words echo.
I don’t know why I do it, but I turn my head, looking directly over at the table where I know the boys are at, and sure enough, Zach is looking our way. He’s sitting at the same table he and my brother normally sit at with all the other football players. And not too far over are the cheerleaders; Ashley included. But I don’t let my eyes linger much longer before I turn back to Zach’s, feeling my nerves start to buzz beneath my flesh.
The noise that echoes in the cafeteria suddenly drowns out until the sound of my heart pounding in my chest is all I can hear. His brown eyes seem to be eating me up, focused on me, and I don’t know what to make of it. And though it's starting to make me feel slightly out of my comfort zone, I can't seemto look away. Did he hear what we’re talking about? And if not, then why is he staring in the first place?
It takes a second, but I'm finally able to pull my eyes from his and I focus back on Ryen.
“He did. And he looked confused. Or upset. Or . . . I don’t know,” I whisper, trying to recall the look in his eyes from this morning as he looked at me.
I couldn’t place it. I don’t think that his expression, whatever it was, was necessarily aimed toward me, because he looked rather lost. But I could tell there was something on his mind. Sure, he had just told my brother that he was distracted and he might have been talking about me, but I kind of sensed it was more than that. Like something had been bothering him otherwise. But of course, there was no way I was going to ask. And if I know something else about Zach, it's that he doesn't really deal in transparency much. He likes to keep things buried and deal with it on his own, because what he's gone through, not many people would understand.
But I do. Or at least I want to. I've always been curious about what goes on his head because I can usually tell when his eyes are hiding something, or when something is bothering him that he doesn't want anyone else to know about. But I never pry.
