She smells of wildflowers and midnight… the kind of scent that makes you believe in something again.The only thing worth living for.Peace in the middle of a war zone.She’s a lullaby in a world that never stops screaming, pulling me into something softer.Something real.Something I never thought I’d ever get.
And for just this moment, I let myself pretend.I pretend I’m not drowning in the mess my father made of me.I pretend I’m not bound to a life I can never escape.
I pretend that maybe I can just be me for a second.A boy who loves a girl who makes the noise in his head a little quieter.A girl who makes every bit of the pain, the darkness, the brokenness, a little less sharp.
But I know it won’t last.
Because a love this fierce… this pure… it isn’t meant for someone like me.
Emery’s head is resting on my chest, her hair moving with the wind.The stars above us stretch on forever, like they were thrown across the sky just for us.
For once, the world isn’t fucking screaming.It’s not bleeding or burning.There’s no blood on my hands, no ghosts clawing at my conscience.Just the sound of crickets, the soft rustle of leaves, and the rhythm of her breath against my skin.
I close my eyes for a second, letting myself believe it’s real, that I’m not trapped in the chaos I’ve always known.
It’s so peaceful.
Peaceful in a way that makes me wish I could stay here forever.
I draw her closer, wrapping my arm around her, the last thread holding me together.I need her more than air.More than I’ll ever admit, even to myself.Her warmth sinks into my skin, quiet and steady, and for a moment, I wonder if she’s the only reason I’m still standing.
Emery’s so goddamn beautiful it’s suffocating—just looking at her feels like drowning.Reaching for something you already know you’ll lose, but you reach anyway.Desperate.Hoping she won’t slip through your fingers.It’s in the way her body fits against mine, seamless, like she was built for this.For me.
The steady rise and fall of her breath calms something wild in me, like maybe the storm in my chest can finally go quiet.And when her eyes flutter shut, it’s not the big moments that break me.It’s the quiet ones.The little things.They wreck me completely.
The way her lashes kiss her cheeks.The tiny mole tucked under her jawline that only I ever see.The faint curve of her lips when she smiles makes everything else disappear.The blood on my hands.The ghosts in my chest.When she looks at me, she doesn’t see the monster, I swear she sees something worth saving.
And fuck, I’d set the whole goddamn world on fire just to keep her looking at me like that.Just to keep that tiny, reckless piece of her believing there’s still something good left inside me.
I want to shield her from everything.From the shadows that follow me.Because she has no idea.No clue about the blood I'm gonna spill.No fucking clue about the choices that already have my name carved into them.
And still, she lays here, unfazed, as though I’m not the hurricane ripping through everything good and pure in her world.It’s in moments this quiet, when no one’s watching, when it’s just her, me, and the stretch of endless sky, that I let myself believe in the lie.That maybe… I am the boy she sees when she smiles.
And fuck, I want to be.
More than I fucking want anything
“Matteo,” she whispers, her voice soft.“Do you think we’ll ever get out of here?”
I don’t answer.I can't.What the hell am I supposed to say to that?
Instead, I drag my fingers through her hair, as if I can smooth the weight out of her voice.Maybe I can fucking fix something for once.Her hair slips through my fingers, all silk and softness.Too good.Too pure.Too fucking untouched and innocent for hands that only know how to destroy.
But I know what she’s really asking.It’s not about this place, or the four walls closing in around us.It’s about everything.The chains we were born into.The blood we didn’t get to choose. The way our fathers carved their sins into our skin before we even knew what the fuck we were even becoming.
She’s not asking if we’ll ever leave this town.She’s asking if we’ll ever outrun this life that has made us who we are.If we’ll ever tear free from the noose already tightening around our throats.If we’ll ever be more than the fucked-up futures someone else stitched into our bones.
Fuck, I want to promise her.I want to swear to her that we’ll burn it all down and build something new with what’s left of us.But the truth sits heavy on my tongue.I don’t know if there’s a way out.Not for kids like us.Not when the darkness is already part of our goddamn bloodstream.
“We’ll get out,” I lie, the words scraping my throat raw.But I say them anyway—because it’s what she fucking needs.My voice is rough, but I force it steady, willing it to sound real.“We’ll leave all this behind,” I tell her.“I’ll take you anywhere.Anywhere you want.”
By anywhere I mean that isn’t carved out in blood and betrayal.Because if anyone deserves a life beyond this goddamn empire built on blood, it’s her.She’s too good for this, too innocent, too beautiful to see exactly what it is, and if there’s even a sliver of a chance that life still has room for me… then I’ll bleed for it.I’ll burn for it. I’ll tear my own fucking soul apart for a life with her.
She tilts her face up to mine, her eyes locking onto me like she’s searching for something buried in the ruins.And for a second, I forget how to breathe.She’s always been able to do that to me.Always been able to look past the sharpened edges, the broken, rusted-out parts I don’t even have the guts to name.
“Promise?”she whispers, and it’s not just a word.It’s a lifeline, frayed, trembling, clinging to something that has no place in our world.It’s hope.And goddammit, I want to reach out and grab it.Wrap both hands around it and give it to her, even if I know it’ll tear me apart in the end.
I nod.“I promise.”
