I give her a hug as she walks out. “You could come to the game with me,” she offers to me as she presses the elevator button. “Tomorrow. I expect you to come over.” I nod at her. “Don’t make me tell your brother.”
“You know he doesn’t scare me, right?” I counter and she shrugs. “Have fun.”
She disappears into the elevator as I walk back into the house and head for the couch. I turn the channel to the game when it’s time, at the exact same time there is a knock at the door. I walk over and open it to see it’s a delivery guy with sushi and pizza. “This is for Kylie,” he says my name after looking down at the paper on the box, “From Lexi.”
“That’s me,” I confirm, grabbing it from him and then closing the door behind me and heading straight to the living room. I put the box on the coffee table and open up the sushi before sitting back down. I see the pregame skate and look in the crowd to see if the kids are there. I see him skating onto the ice. His eyes look haunted, and I wonder if he misses me or if he’s already over me. He looks perfect to me, but his eyes look haunted and I have to wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. I can’t help the little smile that comes to my face watching him for thirty seconds. I grab the remote and rewind it back a few times before letting it play.
Every single time they say his name, I sit up straighter. Every single time he’s on the ice, my eyes find him. I’m lying down watching the game when there is something happening behind the net. Kirby clears the puck and then passes it to Knox, who hustles it out of the zone. He’s in the middle of the ice when it happens, the defenseman from the other team guns straight for him and hits him full-on. Throwing him off his skates and making him fly back. He lands on his back, his head comes up and then crashes down on the ice. I sit up, watching him lying there on the ice, not moving. Kirby is throwing his stick onto the ice and he’s going after the guy who hit Knox. My eyes are not on Kirby but on Knox, who is lying in the middle of the ice with his hand on his chest.
My hand trembles as I get up and then sit back down again. My heart goes to my throat as I get up again as I watch people rush onto the ice to get to him. My legs buckle and give out as I fall to my knees and I think, I’m going to be sick. “Get up!” I scream at the television and the screen goes to a commercial. I turn, fumbling to get up and get my phone, pulling up Lexi’s number.
“Kylie,” she answers and I swear you can hear the silence in the whole arena from my side of the phone.
“Lexi,” I say, my voice cracking. “Lexi. My—” I point to the television. “Knox.” I am trying to catch my breath and talk at the same time.
“He’s still on the ice,” she reports. “They are trying to get him up. He’s gotten to the sitting position but then just fell backward. He’s awake though.” I hear the roar of the crowd then and I close my eyes. “He’s up!” she almost screams. “He’s up, Jaxon and Kirby are helping him get off the ice.”
The television switches back to the game, and I see him blinking quickly as they get him to the bench. The trainers are there waiting for Kirby and Jaxon to hand him off. “That looked scary for a moment,” the announcer says. “We will keep everyone up to date.”
“Will you let me know?” I ask her, sitting back down on the couch.
“As soon as I know anything,” she assures me. “I’ll call you as soon as I can.” I nod my head and she hangs up on me. I hold my phone like my life is depending on it.
My eyes are glued to the screen. She calls me back twenty minutes later. “Hello.” I put the phone to my ear.
“They are doing tests on him. They think it’s a concussion,” she explains. “Nothing is broken.”
I close my eyes. “Okay,” I reply softly and my hand falls from my ear as they replay the play over and over again. Each fucking angle you see that the defenseman’s shoulder got him in the cheek and his head shot back.
The game finishes and I text Lexi, knowing if she knew anything she would call me.
Me:
Can you have Kirby call me when he comes out?
Lexi:
Yes.
I sit with my legs tucked under me, watching the television, or better yet, the television watching me. I wipe the tears off my face as I think about him being hurt.
The soft knock has me looking over to the door, and I wonder if I’m hearing things. Until it happens again. I get up, rushing to the door, thinking it’s Lexi who is coming to check on me. I pull it open, and I gasp when I see Knox standing there. Exactly like he was when I broke up with him.
His hands hold onto my door frame, his eyes come to mine and I don’t even think I’m breathing at this point. “I’m miserable,” he states, his voice thick with emotion.
My chest is rising and falling as if I just ran a fucking marathon. “Okay.” I lick my lips, afraid he’s going to tell me he hates me.
“Tell me you don’t feel the same.” He stands up and runs his hands through his hair and then holds the back of his neck, his blue suit fitting him perfectly.
“I’m scared that loving you will break me,” I say the words. “I’m scared.” I can’t help the tears. “I’m so scared.”
thirty-three
Knox
The elevator door opens and I step out, never in a million years thinking I would be back here. When I walked out of the dressing room, Lexi was the first one who came to me. She had tears in her eyes. “Go to her,” she said. “We’ll drive.”
I didn’t say anything, I just got in their SUV and they brought me here. I walked in, my head pounding like a motherfucker. But it was no match for the way my heart was pounding. I knocked on her door, holding out my hands to grip her doorjamb and I closed my eyes, listening for her footsteps. I don’t know how long I waited until I knocked again.
