“I was delirious,” she retorts, slipping on a black thong, “I was starving.”
“I was going to share my granola bar with you,” I tell her. “You said no.”
“I didn’t say no.” She grabs a black sports bra. “I said shove it up your ass.” She turns and I see the back of the bra has these small crisscross straps I want to grab with my teeth. She takes a pair of black leggings out and puts them on and my cock gets even harder, if that is possible. I pick up my toothbrush and start brushing my teeth when she comes in and grabs her toiletry bag. She pops her birth control pill into her mouth and then bends to take a sip of water.
“I wonder what we are going to have for breakfast?” she asks me as she brushes her hair and pins it at the top of her head.
“Probably some seeds and fruit,” I joke with her, spitting out my toothpaste and then going over to my bag to grab a pair of joggers and a T-shirt. I grab my baseball hat, turning it backward when she comes out of the bathroom, turning the lights off behind her.
I walk to the door, pulling it open and seeing that it’s still dark outside. “This is…” She walks out, slipping on a white sweater that falls right at her waist. “This is?—”
“It’s nice,” I try to say as we walk to the main house. I reach for her hand, and, surprisingly, she lets me. The sound of birds in the distance is the only thing we hear before we walk into the back of the house and see the other people who are doing this retreat. They are all sitting down with smiles on their faces.
“It’s a cult.” Kylie leans in and mumbles to me. “Get me out of here.”
I put my arm around her shoulders and bring her to me. “Have I told you how beautiful you are?” I compliment, looking into her eyes.
“Have I told you how much I hate you?” she counters, and I laugh before kissing her lips.
“Let’s go see what’s for breakfast.”
We walk over to the side and sit down and the waiter comes over. “Good morning,” he says cheerfully, “how did we sleep?”
“Great,” I reply, looking around to see what we are going to eat. “Can I have a coffee?”
“We don’t really have coffee,” he answers sadly. “We have an oat milk matcha.”
“I’ll have one,” Kylie orders. “And what is for breakfast?”
“It’s a good one today,” he replies. “It’s either tofu scramble, or a yogurt parfait with homemade granola and berries.” Kylie has a fake smile on her face as she turns to look at me, her eyes going big as she glares at me.
“I’ll have the parfait,” she says. He nods. “He’ll have the scramble.” He walks away after I order an orange juice.
“I don’t want scrambled tofu,” I tell her. “I don’t even know what that is.” I look around.
“Why don’t you go online and see,” she suggests sarcastically. “Oh wait, you can’t, we don’t get service up here. Plus there are no phones allowed for the better of everyone’s well-being. You know to be in the moment.”
“Baby,” I say softly, “it’s good. We’ll get to really know each other.”
“I don’t want to know you,” she deadpans, and I laugh. “I want to know you less than I did yesterday.”
He comes back with a green juice for me, even though I ordered an orange juice. “We aren’t serving orange juice,” he says, “but that’s celery, apple, lemon, and ginger.” He points to the drink and, “the oat matcha.”
“Will you share with me?” I ask her. She shakes her head, and I roll my lips.
I finish the tofu scramble, which isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, and then we get up to do sunrise fucking yoga. I get on the mat next to her as she takes off her sweater and she gets into position for child’s pose. After two poses I think I have this, until we have to get up on our feet. I have to stand on one foot while picking up the other foot. I fall off-balance four times and she just laughs at me. Fucking bow pose, where I have to grab my feet from over my head, is ridiculous and when we finish, I vow to never fucking do that again.
We are then carted off to our four-hour hike after they hand us a snack. I look down at the small pack of black sea salt almonds. I rip the top open and look inside to see five almonds. “How many almonds do you have?”
“Everyone has the same,” she says, looking inside of hers. “It’s five.”
“What are we going to do with five almonds?” I ask her.
“I can tell you what I’d like to do with my five almonds.” She looks back up at me sweetly. “It includes anal for one of us, and it’s not me.”
“Don’t forget to grab your hiking vest,” the instructor tells us. “It’s filled with a first aid kit and water.”
“Is there a flare in there so I can send up a signal?” Kylie asks out loud, making everyone laugh.
