“Jesus, is it Thanksgiving already?” I tap my phone, thinking Louisa took my joke seriously, and I’ve missed the holiday.
Thankfully, that’s not for another few weeks yet.
Mom chuckles. “Barry’s got some business in the city. She dropped by to see how things were.”
Now I feel kind of bad for calling my sister out the last time I saw her, so I swiftly change the subject. “How did your weekend away with Morgan go?”
“It was good. He’s always been nice. It’s just…” She bites her inner cheek, shrugging her shoulders, and I know that look.
“He isn’t Dad,” I answer for her. The undertone in her voice was once mine.
My heart belongs to Saint, and I haven’t been able to give that or my body to anyone else.
The two dates I managed to agree to ended up with me calling them off. It made me feel physically sick, letting anyone close to me like that, even though I knew I needed to do it to move on.
I could barely stomach their texted compliments or way of flirting, because they were nothing like the way his words had an effect on me, and every time I read them, it was his voice I heard.
She drags in a breath and says, “No one could ever be,” letting it blow back down the phone, sending a crackle through the speaker. “I don’t know; he’s been widowed longer than I have. I think we’re both just trying to get our heads around thinking we should move on.”
“It’ll take time. Dad was the love of your life. His partner was probably his.”
Mom was with Dad longer than she was without him. I was lucky enough to have my dad for all those years I did.
He never got to see me graduate, and he never got to learn about what happened to me. That latter is a bittersweet blessing.
Mom adjusts herself on the sofa. “Anyway, enough about my depressing love life. Where have my girls headed off to?”
Shit.
Not so fast on my feet now.
My head screams at me to rein the sentence back, but my mouth has a mind of its own.
“Well…we…decided to go to England.”
I briefly squeeze my eyes shut.
England, Indie? Really?
It’s only been a couple of days, and Saint’s already warping my mind.
“England!” Mom exclaims. “Wait, so you’re four hours behind right now?” She tilts her head as she examines me through the phone, stirring nerves through my body when her eyes narrow a little further.
My fingers fly off the screen, bringing up a Google search. “Yeah…that’s about right. It’s random, I know. We just wanted to do a little bit of travelling, you know, our delayed graduation plans.”
Regina, Jenna and I had planned to go on a girls’ trip for a couple of weeks, before we all descended into adult lives and careers. It was just another thing that was stolen from us.
Instead of a lie, it feels like I’m manifesting an unattainable wish.
“Oh, Indie. I’m just happy to hear you’re out there living, honey.” She beams at me, and I can tell her eyes are watering, the light glistening off her crystal-blue eyes.
I take that as my cue to change the subject into safer territory. “So what’s been happening back home?”
“Nothing really…Oh!” Her eyes widen. “There was a house that blew up a couple hours away from here. A gas leak,apparently. The owners didn’t survive.” She presses her lips into a hard line.
A nervous laugh gets caught in my throat. “Damn, that’s…terrible.”
I internally thank the past me for future me’s problems.
