I usually allow myself to think of the aftermath of what my experience did to me as a person.
The people I lost, including myself.
It rumbles the gate to the feelings I keep padlocked. Blanketing me into the dark abyss of nothingness, disconnecting from my empathetic side.
There was a time I’d have loved to have mastered the skill I have now, because without it, life was a living nightmare for months on end.
But when you have years to work on yourself, and you desperately want to succeed in exterminating those who wronged you, you can eventually find that power.
Regina pulls the car into the layby a couple hundred yards from the driveway.
“Your earpiece, and your new tracker,” she says, handing me the new device.
Regina is always scouring the dark web; it wouldn’t surprise me if half the shit she has is military grade.
I hook it onto my ear, then clip the dome into my jacket pocket, testing it by heading outside and doing a lap of the car for her tracking system. She gives me the thumbs-up when it starts to move.
This allows her to keep an eye on me in the woods if I fuck up and get lost in the dark.
Dipping into the back of the car, I grab my handgun and rifle, stepping backwards into the bushes to adjust myself with the cloak of the night.
She holds her hand out the driver’s side window, giving me the silencer to screw onto the handgun.
“Never get used to you looking like the fucking Terminator,” she mumbles, and I glance up at her with a wry smile.
“I’m a woman who can do both,” I joke, trying to settle her unease.
She’s still not comfortable with it all, feeling like we were treading in uncharted waters earlier.
But this?
This is what we thrive in.
What I live for.
“Remember what I said. Anyone that comes by, you drive away. I’ll jump out from that hill and head back up the road if you need to move. I can hide in the bushes if needed.” I turn and point to my right.
She nods, taking the safety off her gun and placing it in the centre console. She’s never had to shoot at anyone during these before, but it makes me feel better knowing she’s armed.
I close the door quietly, and without a second glance, make my way towards the bottom of the driveway.
The gravel crunches beneath my feet, before it soothes onto the mossy underlay of the forest. Usually I’d wear a mask, but there are no other homes or public CCTV around here. And with the two feeds on the property, Regina is able to wipe them immediately, replacing them with a rolling recording over the last couple hours until we leave the scene.
It takes me slightly longer than my first visit to reach the boundary, my eyes adjusting to the darkness as I carefully tread through the forest, ready to stalk my mark like prey, blending in with my surroundings.
The woodland is so thick here, causing me to have to blindly stick my hands out for any branches or trees that are too masked by the night, pushing and tugging them to make my way through.
The lit-up cabin eventually comes into view up ahead, and I sneak my way towards where the camera is roughly placed.
My pulse drums at an increased tempo with each step, but my grip is firm.
You won’t ever catch my hands trembling for this.
Not from fear, anyway.
Crouching down into the underwood, I lie flat against the damp ground, the wet soil already seeping through my leggings.
Fucking gross.I did not sign up for this shit.
