She baulks when she realises what she called me, and so I bring her hand to my mouth, kissing her knuckles with reassurance.
“The only time you run from me is when I’m chasing you.”
39
Indie
Taste - Sabrina Carpenter
We’vespenttwohoursin this truck, and my ass is starting to go numb.
Along with my ears.
Regina is upfront with Dawson, and for the first thirty minutes, they argued over music choices until he gave in and connected her phone.
“Taste”by Sabrina Carpenter has been playing on repeat for at least six loops in a row. It’s Regina’s favourite song, and now I think she’s passed the love on to Dawson.
At first, he tried to turn it off, claiming it wasgirl pop shit, but whilst she held the radio hostage, he gradually began to tap his finger off the steering wheel to the beat.
I catch the look they exchange, and suddenly I don’t want it to turn off.
She looks genuinely happy.
Dawson’s a really nice guy; his geeky looks are deceiving. But I’ve seen the mountain of tattoos he has under the tactical gearwhen he works out with us, and every time he talks to Regina, it’s like everyone else’s voice in the room goes quiet.
I should know; it’s how I look at Saint.
They’ve gotten really close over these past four weeks. He even joins her for gym sessions when I don’t.
I haven’t pushed her on it much, just the odd tease. I know that feeling of dread, thinking about being close to someone after what happened to us.
The possibility of sharing that past, what they’ll think, will it change how they treat you.
Regina hadn’t been in a relationship prior, so I know she’ll want to take her time.
Dawson, however, looks like he’s willing to give her every minute the world has to offer.
I thought I’d be nervous getting intimate with Saint again. Even speaking to another man used to send me into a spiral of anxiety.
The moment we saw each other again, I just knew those grey eyes were still my safe space.
When he touched me, dread didn’t rise, anxiety didn’t rattle through my body, tears didn’t swell up in my eyes at the realisation of what I was doing.
I would overthink it so much in those early days that being intimate would be another part of me I lost. Never being able to connect with anyone like that again.
Withhim.
And now the only thing that consumes me is the same feeling I always had with him, and it left me wanting more.
I guess our time apart did heal me in some ways, certainly my mindset when it came to sex.
Only, my heart had to pay the price for the absence.
I know it wouldn’t be the same with anyone else, hence the failed first dates.
My heart, body and soul are reserved to him. Even my corroded mind.
I always knew I’d never be able to move on completely; there’s not another human being like him.
