I should get up. I should do … something.
He wanted to go after Gerard. He wanted to try to explain. But how could he when Gerard didn’t trust a word he said?
Tears kept flowing. He’d not cried like this since his mother died.
He sagged forward, trying to clear his mind. Trying to work out what to do now. But no idea came. He did not know how to fix what he’d broken.
Eventually, the tears dried and the sobs stopped.
“What do I do now?” he whispered to the empty room.To Gerard’s room. Gerard would not want to see Elias whenever he returned. Elias should make sure he wasn’t here. He could at least do that for Gerard.
Rising, he set to packing, trying not to think of Gerard and how he’d looked when he’d learnt of Elias’s deception. Elias could not think of that now. If he did, he’d fall apart.
Elias shoved his robes and mask away, shutting them in their hidden compartment. Taking deep, uneven breaths, he pulled clothes with shaking hands from cupboards. He picked up his books. He collected his belongings and packed them haphazardly into his trunk.
He yanked the lid closed. He turned the lock. Then he collapsed to his knees, resting his hands and forehead against the wood. He sagged.
“I don’t want to go.”
A cold numbness spread through his limbs.
He’d never meant those words he’d said about Gerard. He’d never thought Gerard to be vile or repulsive. Or a dragon wretch! He’d said those words only to convince his stepmother to marry Elias to Gerard.
Perhaps he could have convinced Gerard of that. But Elias had lied about his identity and his powers. Why would Gerard believe Elias about anything now?
He might have been able to get Gerard to look past one falsehood. Maybe even two. But from the moment they’d met, Elias had presented a fictional version of himself.
Now Gerard couldn’t tell the fake from the reality. Funny thing was, Gerard knew the true Elias more than anyone did. Still, it wasn’t enough.
Elias rubbed his hands over his tear-swollen face. And Gerard knew his secret identity now. Knew his identityandhated him.
Would he tell the other dragons? What would they do?Would everyone soon know what Elias was capable of? What did that mean for him?
And what about Colette? If his identity had been exposed, hers could be as well. Would some work out that she was his trainee? She could be in danger. If not from the dragons, then the Zephyrians or any who would be threatened by her power.
Elias didn’t know how at risk she was. But he knew he should send her back to Voltaria and to her family. Immediately. His great-uncle would work out what to do.
He glanced at the window. When had it become night? He’d get her to pack. She could leave now.
He walked to the middle of the room. He paused. He knew he should hurry to set Colette on her way. But instead, he slowly turned on the spot, looking at the room where he and Gerard had cohabitated.
He touched the table. How many times had they eaten and drunk together here? He approached the ornate bath. How many times had they bathed, water sloshing over the sides as they’d laughed and tried to make room for the both of them?
He placed his hands on the bed. How many times had they made love here? How many times had they slept entwined in each other’s arms? How many times had they lain here, Elias wondering if he might even be starting to fall in love?
Elias closed his eyes and exhaled. Never again would he have any of that.
Then he froze. Was that a noise? Footsteps. He turned towards the door. Was Gerard returning?
The footsteps approached the door. But it wasn’t Gerard’s tread. And it wasn’t one person. It sounded like two. The footsteps stopped right outside the room. Eliasstared at the door. After a moment, the footsteps continued, back the way they’d come. Probably just the guards.
Elias looked away. It wasn’t Gerard, so Elias didn’t care.
When they moved to Draconia, they’d probably give Elias his own rooms far away from Gerard and the rest of the royal family. He’d be an outsider, all alone in the Castle of the Dragons.
At least Elias was used to being alone. Since his mother’s death, he’d spent most of his time alone. This time with Gerard had been a reprieve from the isolation. But no doubt he’d get used to being by himself again in no time.
In the future, he and Gerard would appear in public, smiling and clasping hands, without making eye contact. They’d sit side by side at banquets without speaking a word. There would be no quick kisses, sleepy morning smiles, or hands caressing his back in the middle of the night.
