Gerard exhaled. “And honestly, I never asked the healers about it. I never really asked them many questions about my scars. Although, they did tell me that scars from lightning magic were different from other scars.”
He paused. “I’ve not been very good at seeing healers about my scars. After the accident and the initial healing, the healers told me to put a special cream on them in the morning and night and check in with them regularly. I did neither.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t like to touch them. Don’t like to look at them. Don’t like to speak of them.”
In fact, Gerard had never spoken about his scars before. Not willingly. Not even with Senta. He’d only spoken with the healers and only because he’d been forced to. But with Elias, their naked bodies tangled together, Gerard found the words flowing.
“Eventually a healer in Draconia, under my father’s authority, forced me to check in with her. She tsked a lot and said that I needed to look after the scars better or they’d heal poorly and that would impact me in both my human and dragon form. So I use the cream, and I see her regularly now.”
Elias didn’t speak for several long minutes. “I’m sorry the scars bother you so much.”
Gerard thought for a moment. “Honestly, it’s not really the scars.” He paused. “It’s more how everyone reacts to them. After the attack, everyone looked at me so differently. Or they didn’t look at me at all. It was clear that my facerepulsed them. And they hadn’t even seen the marks on the rest of my body.”
Elias reached out and took his hand, gripping it tight.
“Whenever I was in public, I could feel everyone staring at me. I could hear their whispers.” Gerard’s jaw tensed. “Before, I was used to respect, even admiration, in others’ gazes. But suddenly everyone pitied and was disgusted by me.”
“I’m so sorry, Gerard. I’m so sorry for what was done to you.” Elias opened his mouth. Then he shook his head. “I’m just so sorry. I really am.” He sounded so dismayed.
Gerard frowned. Did Elias feel guilty because it was a fellow Voltarian who had done this to him?
“I don’t blame anyone. Not even the archmage. It was war,” Gerard said. “It happens. I never hesitated to kill or maim a Voltarian sorcerer. At every opportunity, I breathed dragonfire on the lot of them.”
“Still, I’m sorry.” Elias’s fingers stroked the back of Gerard’s hand. “Sometimes, I look at your scars. Does it bother you when I do that? Do you want me to stop?”
“If you are looking at me, it would be hard not to look at them,” Gerard pointed out. After all, they covered half his face and a large part of his body.
“I could still try if it makes you uncomfortable,” Elias said softly.
Gerard shook his head. “When you look at me, you’d don’t look at me with disgust. Honestly, I don’t know how you do it. I can’t look at myself in the mirror without being repulsed.”
Elias met Gerard’s gaze. “I can look at you because I do not see the scars as disgusting. Nor repulsive. I find them quite the opposite. They showed you survived something.They show you are strong. There is nothing ugly about that. Honestly, I find them quite appealing.”
Gerard pressed his lips together, struggling to believe Elias’s words. How could Elias not find them at least somewhat off-putting?
“So do all lovers of lightning sorcerers get to enjoy that sort of sexual stimulation?” Gerard asked.
Elias shook his head. “No. Sorcerers aren’t great at controlling their lightning by themselves. If they lost control in the bedroom, they could end up killing or injuring their partner. Which would definitely make the sex less enjoyable.”
Elias lowered his head. “I can only do it because I have so little magic power. So I don’t have to worry about being in control of it. I just unleash all my magic and never have to worry about killing or hurting anyone.”
Gerard’s brows furrowed. But Elias seemed to havesomecontrol of his magic. After all, he varied the strengths of the zaps. Or Gerard had thought he had.
Then Elias draped his naked body over Gerard’s. He gripped Gerard’s face and kissed him, tongue delving into his mouth. Gerard wrapped his arms around Elias, and he could think of nothing else but the beautiful man in his arms.
Chapter
Forty-One
Gerard sipped his wine. He yawned as he sank into the cushions.
Elias sat opposite him, plucking at the strings of his lyre. The late afternoon sunlight filtered in through the window of his bedroom, falling on Elias, bathing him in a gentle golden light.
“One theory is that the magic used by nature mages, earth elementals, and wind and lightning sorcerers all have the same source.” Elias’s fingers moved fluidly as he spoke.
Gerard watched, hypnotised by Elias’s playing. “Really?”
