“And if I do decide to take it further?”
A challenge there, in the question, in her eyes. So far from the mortified expression she had worn as Kieran had nearly asphyxiated on his waffle.
Maybe he hadn’t given her enough credit. Sammie was tough.
“Why with me?” he asked. “Why not start something on your own?”
That seemed to catch her off guard, as though she’d already been expecting him to shut her down. “Oh.” She hid behind her water again, taking a long pull from it as she collected herself. Kieran waited, watching her. “Well,” she continued. “Youalready have a platform, and I would be starting from scratch on my own. I also don’t know what I’m doing, so having someone to show me the ropes would be nice.” Her gaze met his, unblinking as she waited for his response.
Kieran hesitated. Her answer had sounded prepared. Rehearsed. He couldn’t help but think back to that day in the rain, eight years earlier.
“Those are your only reasons?” His response would hinge on her answer. Kieran hadn’t been romantically involved—if he could even call it that—with anyone since he’d left Seattle, and didn’t intend for that to ever be the case again with any collaborators. He wasn’t going to do something like this with someone who might end up getting hurt once she realized his feelings didn’t match her own.
Not after his feelings had failed him so miserably the last time.
The air between them felt brittle, charged but fragile, as he awaited her response. Sammie looked down at her food, pushing the last bit around on the plate, her hair falling forward, hiding her expression.
When she finally looked back up, her gaze was shuttered, her eyes unreadable. “It does seem fun. I think I would enjoy it. The idea of putting myself out there like that, it’s so far removed from what I was raised to do, tobe.” A pause. “If you say no, I’ll still try.”
Kieran waited, letting her words sink in as he twirled the salt shaker he’d abandoned earlier. Maybe she was being honest, maybe those really were her only reasons for approaching him with this offer. If she was lying, if she did still have the feelings for him that she’d had all those years ago, she was doing a good job of hiding them in the blinking lights of the small diner. The fact that she was going to do this, with or without his help, made him feel safer in the decision he was about to make.
“We can try it,” he said, spinning the salt one last time before pushing it aside. “If you’re sure you want to do this, we can try.”
Her eyes went wide as her cheeks flushed pink. It seemed she hadn’t expected a yes from him. “Really?”
Kieran nodded, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table, folding his hands under his chin. “We’ll need rules.”
“Rules?”
“Yes, rules. Think about what things are off limits for you, on or off camera. Make a list and bring it with you whenever we set a date.”
That seemed to fluster Sammie more than anything had yet. Her face was growing more red by the second as she blew out a big breath, puffing her cheeks. “Okay, yeah, I can do that.”
“I want you to make another list. One of things you might be interested in doing, trying. I’ll make one too. That’ll help us see where we want to start, and might give us content ideas down the line.”
“Oh jeez.” Sammie pulled out her phone, opening her notes app to jot down what he was saying. Kieran suspected it was an eye-contact avoidance tactic. Cute. “I can do that too.”
“Sure you’re good with all this? It’s never too late to back out.” He waited until she was looking at him again. This part was important, for both of them. “It’snevertoo late to back out. Promise.”
Sammie nodded, all hesitance, all embarrassment vanishing from her face. “Of course. For you as well.”
“Let me know when you have those lists ready,” Kieran said. “Then we can set a date.”
“I will.” A smile, asmile, pulled at her lips. “I can never tell Attie about this.” A laugh, bright and clear. “How will I get Kai to unsubscribe?”
Kieran raised a brow. “Kai is one of my subscribers?”
“He is now.” Heat flooded Kieran’s cheeks, pulling more laughter from Sammie. “How is that more embarrassing than me finding out?”
“I don’t know,” Kieran sputtered. “He’s a paying customer, it’s different.” A thought nagged at him, though. “But I’d hate for you to do something you feel the need to hide from the people who are important to you.”
Sammie chewed her final bite, eyes sparkling as she looked at him. “It’s not that. Attie’s never going to let me live this down. But you do want this all to be a secret, right? Isn’t that why you do the whole”—she gestured a hand over her face—“sexy ball cap thing?”
Kieran chuckled. “I don’t want my identity to be public, no. I doubt management would be a fan, even if I’m nottechnicallybreaking any rules. There’s nothing in my contract about sex work affecting the respectability clause.”
“And you wouldn’t do this if itwasagainst the rules?”
“I like to follow rules, what can I say?”
