“I’m leaving,” Kieran continued. “I have to focus on my career right now.” Hiscareer. He had much bigger things to think about than finals and what to wear to prom. “And you’re my friend. Besides, you’re still a kid in school, you don’t want to be tied down with something long distance. You should have fun here, live your life.”
A kid. Anger gripped her, sudden and blazing. He was only two years older than her, and he thought he could talk to her like she was just somekid?
“Don’t tell me what I should do.” Sammie knew she sounded petulant, knew that the hurt she felt was seeping into her words, blurring them just like the tears blurring her vision. “I’m not a child, Kieran.”
The pitying look he gave her was worse than anything he’d said so far. Sammie felt desperate. He wasn’t getting it, he wasn’t understanding that sheknewwhat she wanted.
“I love you!”
Silence fell as her declaration rang out like another crack of thunder on the horizon. The words landed between them softly, weak and pathetic.
“Sammie…”
She was sick of him saying her name, saying it so gently, prefacing the letdown that was now inevitable. That wasn’t how she wanted him to say her name. She wanted to hear so much more there, a longing that matched her own, a need that outshone everything else.
“Kieran.” She pushed everything she wanted into saying his name. “Please.”
Kieran closed his eyes, still refusing to look at her. His demeanor had changed so drastically. Gone was the cheerful, steady boy that made her blood feel fizzy. Before her stood a closed off, sad version of Kieran. A version of the boy she loved who didn’t love her back.
Another person shutting her out. Another friend closing a door on her.
“Never mind,” she said quickly, gripping her hands into fists so she wouldn’t swipe at the tears spilling onto her cheeks. The rain would hide them, and she wouldn’t let Kieran see how much she was hurting. “It’s silly. You’d never want to be tied down to a kid like me.”
“No, Sammie, wait, I didn’t mean it like-”
She couldn’t keep listening, couldn’t stand there and let him make her feel like just some girl with a crush. Sammie turned away, muttering something about Atticus waiting for her. As she fled, fighting against the urge to run, her tears finally spilled over. She couldn’t tell if Kieran was following her, the sound of even her own footsteps blocked out by the rain.
Atticus was exactly where he’d said he would be, not-so-patiently waiting for her on one of the old swings, his wet, yellow hair plastered to his forehead. He frowned deeply as she approached.
“What took so long? I’ve been sitting here getting soaked, I thought you were just giving him a present.”
Sammie opened her mouth to respond, but she’d lost her words as she’d stomped across the park. All of the thoughts whirling in her head were too loud, too agitated for her to grasp them. She tried to speak, but all that came out was a choked off, broken sound.
Atticus was out of the swing in a flash.
“What happened? Are you okay?”
Sammie shook her head, biting the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood. Her brother’s demeanor shifted into something dangerous, his fists clenching as he stepped closer.
“I’ll kill him,” Atticus said, all the bluster of a storm raging in his eyes. “What did he do?”
“It’s not like that.” Those words came easy. She was hurt, but she didn’t want anyone angry with Kieran. He’d broken her heart, but she still felt the need to protect him, natural as anything.
“Did he not like the present?” Atticus didn’t know what she’d given Kieran. All she’d told him was that she needed to give their friend something before he left.
Still, the defensiveness in his tone made her feel a little better.
“I told him I love him, Attie.” Another sob blocked her throat as defeat weighed her down. Her shoulders sank, more tears blurring her eyes, and Sammie thought she might fall to the ground if it weren’t for her brother’s arms that wrapped suddenly around her shoulders.
Sammie cried into his wet shirt, letting Atticus hold her steady. She hoped Kieran hadn’t followed, hadn’t come this way only to see her crying like the kid he thought she was. The embarrassment made it all the worse, and even if she couldn’t fathom a world where Kieran wasn’t in her life, a part of her wanted to never see him again.
“Come on,” Atticus said, pushing her away from him. “Let’s go home.” At least he had the decency to wait until later to tease her about it all. Sammie knew that was coming, just as surely as the sun would rise again after the stormy night. But he’d learned when to keep his mouth shut, after years of trial and error. He knew when Sammie needed him to hold off a while longer.
They walked home in silence, Sammie sniffling the whole way. She spent the evening holed up in her room, ignoring her stomach when dinnertime rolled around, claiming she had a headache to get out of eating with her family.
Weeks passed, the school year ending with a sort of finality that Sammie had never felt before. Kieran looked handsome in his cap and gown, but Sammie avoided him after the ceremony.
And then he was gone, off to Seattle. She’d thought they would see each other more. Their families were always close, so many celebrations and holidays spent together. But Kieran was busy. He had a life outside of their tiny, midwestern town, and he didn’t make it home as much as Sammie had hoped he would.
