Sammie: Hey. I need to tell you something
Sammie: I’m just gonna say it because idk what else to do
Sammie: I saw your videos. The… spicy ones?
Sammie: Fuck omg I hate this
Sammie: That sounds too negative, I didn’t mean it like that. Sex work is awesome!
Sammie: I want to crawl in a hole and die actually. What you’re doing is great, please ignore me. Except maybe don’t ignore me, because I want to ask you some questions, if you’re okay with that. Can we get food or something after the game?
Sammie chucked her phone onto the other side of the bed and groaned. Shit. Fuck. What had she just done? Why had she rambled on like that? There was no way Kieran would take it as a normal reaction to what she had seen.
Her skin burned, her limbs going tingly as it all began to sink in. The Sammie of tomorrow was going to be murderous, but the Sammie of tonight couldn’t undo any of it, so she yanked the covers up to her chin, cycled through a few breathing exercises, and tried not to think about things like repercussions and regret as she closed her eyes and waited for sleep to take her.
10 YEARS AGO
SAMMIE BOUNCED ON the balls of her feet, nervous energy coursing through her.
She could do this. It would be fine.
“You look like you’re about to pass out from holding your breath.”
Sammie glared at her brother, letting out a huff of air, ignoring the fact that he was right. “Why are you hanging around?”
“Because it’s fun to see you squirm,” Atticus said with a grin that made Sammie want to punch him.
“It’s bad enough without you laughing at me,” she snapped. This wasn’t good. She was irritated now, on top of nervous, and it was hard for her to keep from lashing out when too many emotions started to pile up.
Atticus sobered slightly. “Fine,” he said, pouting as he bent down to snatch up their volleyball. “I’ll go wait by the swings.”
As he walked away, Sammie began to regret her outburst. Would it be so bad to have her brother hanging around while she did this? He’d never let her live it down, sure, but he was also her safety net.
A group of older boys stood at the other end of the run down volleyball court. Weeds were growing up through the sand that had thinned out over the course of the winter and spring. Soon, whoever it was that took care of the little park would come by to freshen it all up in preparation for the local schools letting out. Now, though, it all just looked sad. Abandoned, made somuch worse by the dark clouds that were rolling in on the spring breeze.
Sammie tugged on her braid, now bleached blonde, as she waffled over whether or not she should approach the boys across the court. She hadn’t been sure she liked the new hair color at first. It had been as though a stranger were looking back at her any time she glanced in a mirror. She’d thought to color it back to her natural dark brown, fried ends be damned. But then Atticus had walked out of the bathroom with his own hair lightened to a pretty terrible shade ofyellow—it clashed magnificently with his volleyball jersey—and proclaimed that all was right in the world because they once again looked like twins.
Except that Sammie’s hairdresser had used a nice, ashy toner, and Atticus seemed to have not yet discovered that part of the process.
Instead of keeping her cool and simply walking over to the group, Sammie continued to anxiously twirl her braid, chewing on her lip while she pretended to scroll on her phone.
Kieran was still in his school uniform, tie loosened, top button of his shirt undone, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He’d started letting his hair grow out over the last semester, his light curls almost long enough for him to pull them back. Today, while their group had played a very low-key, points-don’t-matter game after school, he had asked Sammie if she had any extra hair clips. She’d found a small claw clip in the bottom of her backpack.
He was still wearing it, loose curls clipped back away from his face. Sammie thought it suited him, made his bright eyes stand out more.
She was staring again, and quickly looked back down at her phone when the group dispersed. She knew Kieran would come her way, because he lived in the same direction. His family’s farm was just down the road from her house, and they often walked home together. Usually it was more of an Atticus andKieran walking together while Sammie trailed along kind of thing, but still. That counted for something, right?
“We waiting on Atticus? Where’d he go?”
Kieran’s words reached her before he did, and Sammie felt that skittering under her skin that always came with hearing his voice. He stopped before her, tugging his tie to loosen it more before shoving his hands in his pocket.
“He’s over by the swings.” Sammie’s voice was too quiet, and she knew it, but her nerves had exploded exponentially the moment Kieran stopped looking around the park and met her stare.
“Let’s go get-”
“Wait!” Kieran raised a brow at her outburst. Sammie gulped, tangling her fingers together to keep from picking at her nails. “Can we talk for a minute?”
That got his attention, surprise etching across his expression. “Sure,” he said slowly, finally giving Sammie his full attention.
