“What part is surprising?” I ask, taking a seat across from her. A footman brings in a tray of refreshments, and I wave him out of the room.
“I think the most surprising thing is that I thought you were dead for so long. Then I came to terms with it, knowing you were in Icelantica, but to see that you have a manor just a day’s carriage ride from Fairbright? I’m unsure what to think. Do you truly hate me so much that you couldn’t even pen me a letter?”
“Gen,” I say, moving toward her until I’m kneeling before her, “you gave me no reason to think you wanted me in your life any longer. Just this morning, you were playing the part of the haughty princess, turning me out again.”
I hate that I’m already putting distance between us again, but whatever happens next—whether she accepts me or chooses the crown over me—won’t be decided tonight.
She presses her hands to my chest, pushing me lightly. “That isn’t fair! You’ve been nothing but the demanding redblood, planning my ruin!”
Despite her words, her tone is playful, and the smirk on her lips reminds me of all the times I used to tease her until she teased me back. Riling Genevieve Ashcroft out of her stuffy, composed crown princess role is something I’ll never tire of.
I give her a knowing look. “You’ve tried to drive me away twice now, Princess. What more evidence do I need that a correspondence wouldn’t have changed a thing?”
She keeps her hands fisted in my shirt, and I can’t tell if she wants to pull me closer or push me away. Hell, I don’t think she knows either.
“But—but…” She shakes her head, then looks away from me, the old pain I saw in the carriage returning. “When I heard you were dead, I didn’t know how I’d survive it. Until then, I was so sure you’d return tome eventually. I told myself you just needed new experiences, and then you’d see that you belong to me.”
I stare at her in confusion. “What part of you pushing me away made you think I’d ever return?”
“I think back on that often. We were so young, and my mother was adamant I make an advantageous marriage to continue the blueblood lineage. If I could go back, I would have fought for you. But I can’t go back—I can only look to the future. What you said earlier today is true. I haven’t allowed myself to make decisions I actually want. I always think of the crown. I can’t help it. Even this morning, I tried to force myself to accept a marriage I already knew would be disastrous. In truth, I wish I could have felt something for him, but my heart hasn’t been mine to give for a very long time.”
I swallow thickly. The shell I’ve built around my heart threatens to crack under the weight of the woman who caused it to harden. Despite her rejection and the circumstances that nearly ruined me, I’ve never stopped thinking of Genevieve Ashcroft. She dug her way into my life long ago, and I could never let her go.
I ask the question that’s been on my mind all day. “Who has your heart, Gen?”
She lets out a soft laugh, a smile playing on her mouth as she leans forward, so close her words brush my skin. “You do, you fool! You always have.”
I grin before pressing my lips to hers. “I’m no fool. I knew from the moment you fainted I still had your heart. I just wanted to hear you admit it.”
She tilts her head, then kisses me again. I want to stay in this moment forever—in this fragile illusion that she’s truly mine—but I know it won’t last. Even as she claims I have her heart, I can’t quite trust her words, or the heart that once turned mine hard.
I pull back. “Let me show you to your rooms. Tomorrow, we’ll visit the mines, then decide what comes next.”
She gives me a quizzical look. “You don’t want to share a room with me?”
“I would love nothing more than to share a room with you, Gen. But we shouldn’t—and you know why.”
“Propriety has already been damned by my running toward your carriage, away from my fiancé.”
I huff a laugh, standing and pulling her up beside me. “I wasn’t thinking of propriety.”
“My gift, then? Did it bother you too much?”
I shake my head. “You’ll be more comfortable alone.”
“No, I don’t think I will,” she says, pressing her body against mine.
I stop her, even though the urge to hold her all night is almost too much to resist. “I’ve been exposed to high levels of helachite for many years. I’m not the same as I once was, and I don’t sleep beside others because of it.”
She gasps softly, studying me. “What do you mean?”
“Did you notice Mrs. Andrews’s and Mr. Bridge’s features? They worked in the mines from childhood until I closed off the dangerous mines. I brought them here and gave them employment that allows them to live comfortably. I’ve employed dozens of former miners—too injured or ill to work elsewhere. We’re all damaged in ways you can’t see. We all have restless sleep, insomnia, or both.”
I want to admit that’s why I kept returning to her room at night—that seeing her sleep safely gave me the only peace I’ve known in years. But saying that aloud would make me sound mad, even though she must understand now why I couldn’t stay away.
Her brow furrows as she looks at me with a stifling amount of pity.
“Don’t pity me, Princess. I won’t have it.”
