“Shh… I want to hear you moaning my name, not ordering me about.” His hands tighten on my thighs, and he drops to the floor of the carriage, adjusting me so that my legs rest on his shoulders and my head against the firm back wall. A quick flick of his tongue over me already has me bucking on the bench. He shifts his weight, pressing one hand on my hips, keeping me locked in place as he begins a steady rhythm against my aching flesh.
I’m left in disbelieving pleasure as he moves to my clit, sucking the sensitive bud into his mouth.
Never.
Never have any of my previous lovers had any interest inmypleasure—in what would makemefeel good. Even when I took Kieran to my bed at nineteen, it was all unskilled fumbling and blazing, quick pleasure. It was something I desired, something I wanted, yet there was none of this languid desire, none of the patient skill he displays now.
It makes something inside me crack open, knowing I have never had someone give my own pleasure this sort of attention.
My mind also can’t help drifting to where this practiced skill developed. Hot jealousy floods through me as I let that thought slip through my mind. That past doesn’t matter. All that matters now is this moment with Kieran. This way he makes me feel precious while also making me feel rippling pleasure I’ve never experienced before.
He lets out a soft moan when I allow myself to rock against his face, and I worry I’ve taken things too far. I freeze, and Kieran’s eyes meet mine, heavy-lidded with his own desire. “Gen, Princess, don’t you dare stop.”
“Are you sure? You’re not uncomfortable?”
His eyebrows raise before he sucks my clit into his mouth, giving it a bite that has me reeling and rocking harder against him. Goodness, that feelsdivine.
His finger slides into my core, and he pumps and curls deep into me before adding another. I feel a tightening coil in the back of my spine. Kieran sucks my clit again, this time in rhythm to his pumping fingers, and I let out a stifled cry as I fall into ecstasy. I can’t hold back his name on my tongue as he continues to pump and lick me until I feel as though I’ve been unraveled, nerve by nerve, until I’m made of nothing but fragmented remains.
I feel hot tears streaming down my cheeks as I reel from the pleasure Kieran has given me. I know I should stop crying—whocriesafter the most pleasurable moment of their life?—but I can’t help it. My emotions are too splintered to contain the tears.
I hardly notice when he sits up and straightens my skirts, satisfaction softening into concern as he brings his hands to my cheeks, wiping the fat tears from my face. He kneels before me, and I know I should stop somehow—but the tenderness in his eyes nearly breaks me, and I let out a sob.
Kieran moves to the bench opposite me, care written across his features. “Gen, my darling, did I hurt you?”
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying,” I say, covering my face with my hands. “I shouldn’t be crying. It’s just—the first time I’ve felt such pleasure in a long time.”
My cheeks burn with embarrassment and the lingering rush he’s drawn from me. He looks at me with such concern that I feel splintered all over again. This is too much. I’ve revealed too much of myself to him. I want to hide away. Only this morning I was sending this man away, and now I’m crying in his coach. He should turn the carriage around immediately and bring me back to Fairbright, where I can stitch all these excessive feelings away where they belong.
“I’m so sorry. This is mortifying. I don’t know what’s gotten into me,” I mumble through my fingers.
The carriage shifts with his weight as he moves to my side and wraps his arms around me. I don’t try to stop him, too emotionally exhausted to think. I let my head rest against his chest as my tears dry in his firm embrace.
“Hush now, my darling. Princess, don’t try to rationalize this. Just let me hold you.”
My voice comes out in a gasp. “I never thought I’d have you again. Never. Kieran, your death broke me.”
The truth escapes before I can pull it back, before I can bury it where it belongs. Because the truth is I never recovered from the loss of Kieran Greenbluff. I lived my life feeling like a piece of me had been snapped off, beyond repair. But now, a small part of me feels reattached, repaired in a way that hurts through the sheer unexpectedness of its mending.
He stiffens slightly as he continues to stroke my back and hair. “I’m here now. I’m not leaving you.”
He presses a gentle kiss to my hair, murmuring again and again, “I’m not leaving you.”
33
Kieran
The remainder of our ride to Huntley House is quiet—reflective. Gen’s response to pleasure nearly broughtmeto tears, seeing how it broke something inside her. Knowing I was the first and only man to think of her desires hurts in a way that makes me want to rage, to kill any man who ever deigned to touch her. I had to bite my tongue to keep from asking for a list of her past lovers, just so I could hurt them.
This damned blueblood culture that exalts a gift over a person has forced Gen to live her entire adult life believing her worth is tied to a curse that makes her a tool for men. Has no one considered how this “gift” is destroying her?
Hell, I want to kill her own family for not seeing that she’s so much more than her fucking blueblooded gift. I even hate myself for the part I’ve played in her suffering. If I’d stood my ground—if I hadn’t run when she told me to leave—I could have protected her.
But in theend, we both carry scars from what happened after I left. What matters now is the present, and I’ll be damned if Ieverlet anyone harm her through that cursed gift again.
After hours on dusty roads with only a few short stops to stretch, we finally arrive at Huntley House. The old manor, with its red-brick exterior bordered by rocky hills, was once my refuge as I built my empire around helachite. I haven’t been here in months.
“Where are we?” Gen asks groggily, sitting up from where she’d been leaning on my shoulder.
