I blush, remembering the time I allowed myself to believe that what a man felt under my touch was more than lust. I remember being swept away by the same heat, letting down my guard as I hoped to fill the hollow Kieran left behind. “When I first received my gift—or my curse, truly—I tried to convince myself I could feel what a loverfelt. But now I cannot.”
“Because you lose control? Has someone ever harmed you?”
I draw a deep breath. I’ve never spoken of what happens when I touch a man. “It’s been a long time since I’ve allowed myself to be intimate with anyone. My gift, and the loss of control, make it dangerous. I don’t think anyone meant to harm me, but it’s difficult for a man to stop once he’s overcome by it.”
Leland curses under his breath and turns away before stooping to pick up my gloves. He hands them to me. “Genevieve, I could not live with myself if I harmed you—or did anything without your consent. I didn’t understand how deeply your gift could affect a man. I could never—” His voice breaks as he slowly shakes his head and slides his own gloves back on.
I cover my mouth, trying to hide the tremor of fear at what he might say next.
“I know you want this alliance,” he says softly. “I do as well. But I fear our gifts may be too incompatible. I can temper mine only so much when we touch, and I could feel your reaction to it. I was taking away your choice as much as my own.” He strokes my cheek with a gloved hand. “I couldn’t live with myself, knowing what I might do to you when I’m no longer in control of my own actions.”
My chin quivers as I fight back tears. This is my first real choice—my first act as a future queen—and it’s slipping through my fingers. How can I lead a country when I can’t even maintain a successful engagement?
My voice sounds hollow as I say, “I understand. The wedding is a week away. Do try to come to a conclusion before the ceremony.”
He nods once and turns toward the door. “I’ll let you know my decision shortly. Your sisters…”
His voice trails off before he changes the subject. “I want you to know that, regardless of what happens, I believe you’ll make a remarkable queen.”
The door clicks shut, and I sink to the floor as tears spill down my cheeks, splashing onto the carpet.
27
Genevieve
“Genny, what’s happened, my dear?” My father’s voice is soft and gentle as I look up at him from the floor. “Prince Leland suggested you might need some help.”
My face feels swollen from tears as I sit up straight. “I’m sorry you’re seeing me like this. I’ll be alright in a few moments.”
Father kneels to my level and brushes his gloved hand along my arm. “You don’t need to be alright. Cry if you need to. Tell me what’s hurting you—or don’t. I’ll be here for you because I love you, and I won’t leave when I see you like this.”
He takes a seat on the floor beside me, and I rest my head on his shoulder as I try to stifle my sniffles. He removes a handkerchief from his breast pocket, and I take it, blowing into it in the most unladylike fashion.
After a long silence, I say, “Prince Leland is reconsidering our alliance because of our incompatible gifts.”
My father nods. “Ah. I thought as much when he sought me out. He looked shaken.”
I lean into him, feeling his warmth and remembering what it was like to climb into his lap when I was upset or lonely. He was always attentive when we were children, always there when we needed a parent’s comfort or someone to show us the best hiding places in the palace.
Something changed as we grew older. Mother began to demand more of him, and now he’s entirely devoted to her. I wonder what their marriage will look like when she passes the crown to me. Will he be there for me when I need guidance navigating the burdens of ruling, or will he consumed by my mother’s every mood and whim?
“Father, I don’t know what to do. I want this alliance to work. We need it for the kingdom—and I want a husband before my coronation.”
He gives me a sad smile. “Yes, I know, darling. But marriage isn’t something you can force, and some matters are beyond your control. You’ll learn in time that wearing the crown doesn’t mean you can solve every problem. If you try, the weight of it will crush you.”
“Yes, but I cannot fail at this!” My voice comes out harsher than I intend.
“No one will see a mutual decision between you and Prince Leland not to wed as a failure.”
I shake my head. “But I will.”
“Genevieve, you’ve always been your own harshest critic. Take some time to think about what you and Prince Leland discussed. He’s a reasonable fellow, and there’s already that clause. Perhaps Astoria will have him?”
I let out a slow, steadying breath. “You’re right. Of course you are. No wonder Mother relies on you. It’s just… I’d hoped Prince Leland could be my own King Hugo. A man I could depend on to share the burden of the crown—someone who could understand the pressures I’ll face as queen.”
My father takes my chin in his gloved hand. “I do those things because I love your mother dearly. I want to help her as best I can—and that, my dear, is what you need in a husband. Someone devoted to you.”
I turn away and rise to my feet. Kieran’s crooked smile flashes in my mind—not the boy I once knew, but the man who’s returned. The man trying to convince himself he wants to ruin me, yet whose every action shows he’s still devoted.
