“You’re doing what was always expected of you. And as we both know, Genevieve Ashcroft is nothing if not obedient.”
She lets out a biting, false laugh. “Do you remember the time you came to my room after my mother removed me from shared lessons with you and Gabe? We were probably fifteen.”
I smile, thinking of that first time I snuck into her room. We were friends then, but I already knew I loved her. I’d always loved her, if I’m being truthful. “I’m still surprised no one heard me banging on that old wooden door at the bottom of the stairs.”
She laughs—a bright, joyful sound—and it makes something in me ache in a way I haven’t felt in years. Like my heart is cracking open from the hard shell I built around it.
“We snuck out of the palace and walked all the way to Crawford. Do you remember how terrible my disguise was?” she asks, and I think back to her attempt at dressing like an ordinary redblood girl. Her clothes—even her simplest frock was far too fine, and her brilliant peachy hair gave her away long before we reached town.
“Of course. Not to mention we were both far too young to pass as old enough to order ale at that tavern. Remember how angry your mother was when reports of our adventures got back to her?”
Her shoulder brushes mine as she looks up, her smile fading. “We didn’t see each other for nearly a month after that. Twenty-seven days apart. It felt like a lifetime—but in that time, I was reminded why I must be obedient. The lesson was strictly enforced.”
“Gen.” My voice drops to a whisper as I catch her hand in mine. “I’ll say this only once more. You don’t have to do what they expect of you. For fuck’s sake, you’re an adult—the future queen.”
She pulls her hand back, and I know my words are lost to her. “I know. This was my decision, and with the Frostclaws’ amendment to the marriage contract, I don’t want my choice forced on my sisters. I want them to find love.”
Her stubborn refusal to find another way out makes my blood heat, and I look down. “This is why I must go. I’ve already decided to take on the railway project under your reign, but I cannot watch you destroy yourself.”
She nods, her expression resolute. “I understand why my wedding will be difficult for you to see. You were the only one who ever got me to follow my heart—but my heart has been broken for far too long to trust it anymore. In time, I hope you’ll understand why I’m choosing Leland.”
I say the truth, the part my insecurities have always known. “You never would have chosen me, Gen. Why is it any different this time?”
I turn away, unable to face the hurt I know will be in her eyes—because despite her words, a part of Genevieve Ashcroft still wants me.
24
Genevieve
My nineteenth birthday celebration feels like a death sentence. After years of secrecy, Mother has finally realized that Kieran and I still find time to be together, and the lashing she gave me for my lack of propriety—for the disgrace of choosing a redblood gardener’s boy over any number of bluebloods—was reprehensible.
She’ll never understand how deeply I love Kieran, or how cautious we’ve been with each other. She’ll never know that, despite finding ways to show one another with our bodies how much we love, Kieran has never taken that last vestige of propriety from me. She doesn’t deserve to know how I’ve begged him to enter me, how much I’ve wanted to feel him inside of me—to be joined to him.
Even after years of coming to my rooms, he’s always insisted that we not cross that line, afraid I’ll someday desire a blueblood husband who would see me as ruined by the gardener’s boy.
Deepdown, I know I can never accept Kieran as my husband. Mother, Father, the council and the kingdom would never accept a redblood as king consort. Not when the bluebloods fought for our right to rule.
But it isn’t fair.
There’s nobody else for me but Kieran, and if I cannot marry him, then I want to savor the time I have with him before I’m forced to choose the crown over the boy I love.
The lights are low as I walk through the palace toward the banquet hall with Astoria and Mari. Mari leans on my arm, and I’m happy to support her as she continues to regain strength after the attack from the rot. She insisted on joining this supper and the ball that will follow, despite her slow, tentative recovery. There have been no further reports of the rot, and the guilty party is still at large.
“Can I help you in any way?” I ask softly. We’ve done all we can to keep her illness from the public eye. I understand her wish for privacy. The court gossip is already relentless when it comes to our family, and there’s no reason to add more fodder to the flame.
“I’m quite alright, thank you, Genny. I just worry how I’ll go from dancing all night to being a wallflower without anyone noticing.”
Astoria replies, “I’ll stay close. And Darian said he’ll dance with you as much as you like. Do you think Prince Leland or Gabe will be willing to help her dance with support?”
Mari looks surprised. “I couldn’t ask that of Prince Leland! Besides, he’ll be busy dancing with Genny. Tell me, has your affection forhim deepened? He’s such a kind man—I really don’t see why you’re hesitant about the arrangement.”
Astoria gives me a knowing look. She hasn’t missed the stolen glances between Kieran and me, or how I seem to be pulling away from Leland. She even gently suggested she would take my place as Leland’s betrothed if it pleased me. I dismissed her. I chose this arrangement, and I will see it through, even with the new addendum to the contract. I purse my lips. “I still hope we’ll grow in affection over time.”
“But,” Astoria adds, “Mr. Blackwell is proving something of a distraction. Don’t give that man the attention he seeks, Genny. Especially not tonight!”
Mari giggles. “He is a rather distracting sight to see. Oh, and here he comes!”
As we approach the doors to the banquet hall, I see Kieran and General Pryor ambling toward us. Kieran’s eyes lock on mine, and I try to calm the energy buzzing through me at the sight of him. His evening wear is immaculate—black, of course—with a steel-grey silk cravat. His ungloved hands make my skin tingle at the thought of them against me.
