“Fuck no, Avery. To me, you are perfect. Everything about you, from the way you wear your emotions on your face to how you’ve adapted to this world, even in your grief. And your curvy human body? It’s a work of art that I want to spend all my days exploring. I need you like I need air in my lungs.” Goddess, he was completely failing at telling her how he couldn’t have her. But he couldn't think of anything else when that pulsing beat of their bond was driving him mad with the desire to claim her, to imprint that bond on her.
“Then have me,” Avery said, voice husky with desire.
Before he could make his point, Avery wrapped herself around him again. The cool splashes of the water sent a chill through him. He pulled her warm heat in closer, supporting her in the water as she wrapped her legs around his waist.
Avery kissed him like his lips on hers was the only thing keeping her anchored in the dark water.
His cock twitched, and the urge to bury himself deep in her, to give in to the pulsing need of the bond, was almost more than he could resist. Savine cupped her small breast in his hands, feeling the weight of it. He bent down and pressed his lips to her breast, taking her nipple in his mouth and sucking lightly. The moan that escaped Avery snapped him out of the moment. If he acted on his desire, he’d fuck everything up. He pulled back, swimming deeper into the lake. The chill of their separation was like a shockwave cascading across his body.
“Avery. We can’t do this,” he ground the words out, like poison exiting his mouth.
“Dammit, Savine,” Avery said. “I’ve never felt like this for anybody. You can’t tell me you don’t feel the chemistry between us? Like hell we can’t do this.”
She swam over closer. He should put more distance between them again. Not let her get close. But she closed the distance between them again. This time, looking more worried than anything.
Avery pressed her hands to his chest. Savine pulled her closer and supported her on his thigh so she wouldn’t have to tread water. Avery pressed her forehead to his. The motion was gentle, like he was something breakable, something that would shatter if she wasn’t careful.
Her voice caressed his ear, and she pressed a nibbling kiss on the tip of his arched ears. “Tell me what’s going on in your mind. Help me understand, Savine.”
Her hand made small circles on a spot on his chest. Finally, he realized she was feeling one of the many invisible scars on his skin. The ones that his father marked upon him, that left a permanent scar that could only be felt rather than seen. Nobody had touched those scars in so long, he’d forgotten that the distended scars were strange to someone not used to it.
“Can you feel one of my scars?” Savine asked. He realized it must have been the first time she’d touched his bare chest in one of his scarred places. He had a patchwork of his father’s abuse across his body, but mostly in places that were not often touched by others. Savine spent years wondering how his father had chosen the specific places to punish Savine’s body, and it wasn’t until he was grown that he realized his father hid the wounds from his mother.
“Who did this to you? They’ve carved your body up!” Avery said as anger burst forward in her tone.
“It was a long time ago,” Savine said. It was the truth. What he wasn’t admitting was that the person who did this to him still haunted his dreams and made him into the cold, distant man that he was today.
“I’ve never seen scars on you, but now that I’m touching your chest, you’re covered in raised scars. How are they not visible?” Avery asked.At one time, he would have snapped at anyone else for asking him such a personal question. A month ago, he would have never allowed someone to touch him in this way. But with Avery, he wanted her to know his past, even the hard parts. Even though another part of himself was screaming to pull back, to not let her in.
Savine pulled her close into a hug. Despite their naked bodies touching in so many places, the mood had shifted, fragmented.
“Let’s get dressed. It’s time I told you some secrets I’ve been holding back.”
The need to keep her close, despite his frantic desire to pull away and not let her in, was going to tear him apart. He tucked her into his arms, so similar to the day he found her and carried her down from Quartz Mountain. She didn’t protest as they made their way out of the lake and silently dressed. After she was clothed, Avery sat down on the sandy shore. She gave him a strained smile and invited him to sit. The concern on Avery’s face ate at him, and Savine’s heart rattled inside him like a caged bird.
Chapter thirty-five
Savine
“The scars are from my father. He used his essence to cloak the scars, and I have never removed that certain glamour. I think they’re still able to be felt because he wanted anyone who got close enough to feel them to know that I am… that I am something used and discarded. I don’t deserve to be touched or to be close to someone.” Goddess damn him. He didn’t deserve to be loved. But saying those words he’d told himself his whole life was torture.
Avery moved her hands to his chest. Slid them under his vest as she caressed and stroked all the old wounds. She continued her exploration, down his stomach and up his arms. Her movements weren’t meant to arouse, but to heal. Soft, tentative strokes like she was erasing and embracing his burden at the same time. She swept her hands under the back of his vest and felt the deep, jagged impressions on his back. The moonlit lake stretched in front of them, and the golden wisps of her hair framed her sweet face.
The pull of the bond grew taut. Fuck. The growing hunger for her was like a bottomless hole in his soul.
He could never be worthy of her. He pulled away from her and stood up, creating some space between them. It was better this way. To not let her get closer to him.
“Savine. Please,” Avery rasped out as she stood too, reaching for his hand. The way she said his name and added that, please. Goddess, itwas more than he could take. He turned to Avery, and she took his hand in hers as she pulled herself to stand next to him.
“You deserve affection. You deserve love and closeness. I don’t know all of your past, but I know your present. I see you. And everything that I see deserves all the love in this world,” Avery whispered. She leaned her body closer to Savine’s, pressing her lips to the exposed scar on his chest.
Tendrils of warmth and a tugging desire to expose all of his soul to her washed over him. He wanted to bear his hurts and his joys to her. But what if she couldn’t handle all the pain in his past?
Avery lifted her face from his chest, removing his vest, and moved to face his back. Then she pressed her lips to the straight edge scar on his upper back.
He was ten when he received those wounds. He’d spilled his milk at a meal with some foreign dignitary. His father had dismissed him from the table. The purple hue of his father’s hidden wrath was all too familiar to Savine. He knew what would await him for embarrassing his father. His mother had shot Savine a look that told him she knew he was to be punished, too. But as usual, she was incapable of helping him. Instead of being sent to his room, a servant escorted him to his father’s study. Hours passed before his father arrived. He went to his desk and pulled out the small blade that he used to punish Savine. By that age, he had learned not to cry out, or the punishment would be worse. He’d already learned to let his mind escape his body as his father sliced the blade into his skin, letting the blood pool on the antique carpet.
And now? Avery kissed the old childhood wound with more tenderness than he’d ever experienced. Oh, Mother Goddess. He didn’t deserve this affection.
