“I care for Avery, but she hasn’t shown much interest in me beyond friendship.”
Garnel cocked his head. “I’ve hardly been around you two, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, but Savine, you are a fool if you think Avery only wants to be your friend. She’s probably more confused than you are. You need to be honest with yourself and her before something bad happens to her. You’ll regret it all your days if you don’t admit that the bond is there and she’s taken, or worse.”
Savine thought about all his regrets. Chiefly being, taking another man’s wife when he thought she was his soulmate, and being the reason she was now dead.
“I’m not about to make the same mistakes as last time. I can’t have another woman’s blood on my hands like that.” Savine shuddered as he spoke. Just mentioning Lilith made him want to close himself up to this conversation.
“It’s not the same, Savine. At least admit it to yourself,” Garnel said as he put a hand on Savine’s shoulder and turned them both back toward Bayberry.
“It’s not. But it remains that I don’t deserve her. And I’m not leaving her here tomorrow.” Savine sighed, then thought of one more thing he wanted to discuss with Garnel. “When we’re in battle, don’t shift into your bear form near Avery. I don’t know how she’ll react.”
Garnel agreed as they walked together.
Chapter thirty-four
Savine
In the busyness of settling his people into the winter encampment at Bayberry, and preparing for battle, Savine hardly had time to spend with Avery. They’d seen each other at meals, where she always requested that he pass her food or fill her plate. She’d spoken of training her magic with Susan and training for battle with Rue. Rue was an honorable young fae. She was not yet an adult when her clan of shifters sought his protection, and now she vowed her loyalty to him. Yet, he wished Avery was training with someone more experienced, like Kyla or Gaelyn. Maybe even his bodyguard, Weston. But Avery was insistent that she train with Rue. To prove her point, she invited him to watch one of their training sessions.
He watched Avery spar with Rue, battle axe against sword. She was learning to protect her weaknesses and look for advantages against Rue. But she had a very long way to go before she would be able to defend herself properly against fae warriors in battle.
Avery hadn’t asked Savine to stay in her room again, either. He didn’t want to admit how much he missed her body near his while he slept, or the soft sounds she made when she was deep asleep and the way her hair tangled its way across her face. He even missed the groggy faces she made as she woke in the morning.
He wasn’t willing to tell her how he felt a tug to be near her. How his body instinctively tingled when she entered a room, and he smelledthat sweet honeysuckle and mint scent of hers, even if she wasn’t in sight. Savine denied his every instinct, and Garnel called him out on it. But he still didn’t think he could admit what he suspected to Avery. He’d already been fooled once into thinking someone was his soulmate, and it had gotten Lilith killed. He wasn’t willing to risk making that mistake again.
That draw to Avery was what kept Savine awake the night before they would ride to battle. He should be thinking about strategy. The ways to reduce the loss of life tomorrow. Instead, his distracted mind wandered to all the things he’d like to do to Avery’s body.
The quiet calm of Riggins and Po’s house didn’t put his mind at ease. Rather, it filled him with dread as he thought about all that was on the line with this battle. Was it a mistake to bring Avery? Would he even be able to keep her safe? But if the loyalists set a trap, surely he couldn’t risk leaving her in Bayberry, exposing this community and Avery to attack.
His council meeting had frustrated him more than he should have allowed. Now, all these doubts floated through his head on the eve of battle.
As Savine continued to toss on his bed, he could hear her familiar sound of footsteps in the hall. Uncautious, overtly loud footsteps. How could one small woman make such a large amount of noise just by walking? He didn’t understand it, but he loved that about her. She was so completely un-fae that it was a continued surprise to see all the unique ways that made her different from him and his people.
The knock that followed made Savine’s heart race. Avery was knocking on his door. In the middle of the night. His body trembled with anticipation as he silently walked across the room and to the door. Her loud knock made his ears ring as he swung the door open.
The mischievous smile that met his face made him want to grab Avery close and bury his face in her, taking in her scent, her feel, and the warmth he knew would happen when they touched. But he didn’t do it. He held himself back as he returned her smile with one of his own.
“Good. You’re still awake,” Avery said as she pushed her way forward. “Can I come in?” She was already halfway through the door as she spoke. But of course, Savine would let her in. He couldn’t deny her anything.
“How do you know you didn’t wake me? Your clopping footsteps would wake the dead,” Savine teased. Avery’s face lit up, and she batted her hand on his arm. Savine could never get enough of the mix of surprise and laughter on her face. Her expressive face could hide nothing, and the sight of it made his heart tug in his chest.
“I took a chance, with it being past your bedtime and all, old man.” Avery shrugged, with that same smirk dotting her face. As quickly as it was there, Savine watched her face alter into a frown. “But really, I’m nervous about the battle. I know I’m playing a minor part in it. I know you will keep me from harm, but still. I can’t help but worry about everyone involved in the conflict.”
He watched as Avery plodded across the room, her loud human footsteps echoed on the hardwood before she climbed into his bed. He should send her back to her room. Push her away. But damn him, every part of his body wanted her here with him.
Savine’s breath came in a ragged beat. “It’s natural to feel this way before a battle. I question whether it’s worth the risk to my people. I always ask myself the same questions before I make an attack. Can we make headway and open new territory to those still suffering under Jasper’s reign? Are there any who are in immediate danger? Will this battle make a dent in this endless conflict?”
He paused, thinking about how tomorrow’s battle was necessary for so many reasons. Not only to rescue the forest, but to protect Bayberry, Avery, and even keep his people from suffering through a long winter of battles. Neither side was equipped for that. “When I first started this rebellion, the answers felt easy. The entire country suffered under Jasper’s rule. But now? We’ve had a stalemate for nearly a decade. The rebels control this side of the mountain pass, and the loyalists are on the other side. The battle tomorrow will be to ensure that the status quo continues, and to free the forests from further destruction. But I always question my decision to bring my followers into danger. Every time the weight of battle pulls at me.”
Savine walked over and sat next to Avery. He could feel the heat of her body near his as he slid down on his back, looking up at her.
Avery ran her hands through his loose hair. Savine couldn’t stop his eyes from closing as he breathed in her sweet scent.
“The people who follow you, they respect you so much. I’ve never seen such loyalty and adoration in followers. It’s because they know they can trust you to make the hard decisions,” Avery said as she continued to stroke Savine’s hair.
That loyalty his people gave him was hard earned, he knew that. They trusted him. And Avery? She was trusting him more every day, even though he wasn’t being honest with her. Goddess alive, he needed to tell her the whole truth of what he needed her to do and how that was wrecking him inside and out with a desire to protect her—even from himself. He was fucking selfish for holding back, and yet he didn’t want to tell her she would have to assassinate the king to end this conflict.
“Do you know what I like to do when I need to clear my head?” Avery asked.
