“You have given up a great deal over the years. For Mortimer, mainly.” Selina swallowed, knowing plain speaking might not be what Penelope wanted to hear. “I think it is time you thought of whatyouwanted.”
“What I want and what I don’t want have nothing to do with it,” Penelope replied, but without her usual fire. “I have a livelihood to maintain.”
“MacKenzie is only here for a short time, and then he will be gone.”
She had never felt so low in her life. “Yes.”
“Then again, maybe—”
“There is nomaybe,” Penelope retorted. “Callum MacKenzie needs a wife suited to his position and his father’s ambitions. I am not that person, as you well know, Selina!”
Something in her voice must have registered with her friend. Penelope had heard the ache in it, the desperate wish that things were different, but what was the point? They weren’t different, they could never be different, and she must learn to accept it.
Selina shook her head. “You are too hard on yourself. Why don’t you ask MacKenzie what he thinks? He might surprise you.”
Penelope shook her head. She couldn’t allow herself to hope. Her dreams would only be dashed. She knew better than to see her world through an idealistic lens. “My career as a teacher ofetiquette is probably over anyway,” she said dully. “Have there been any more enquiries?”
Selina admitted there had not.
“I am sure if you spoke to MacKenzie...” she began.
“No. I will not do that. At the moment, he might believe himself infatuated with me, because that is all it is, but it would soon wear off. And what then? I would have ruined him, taken away his dreams and those of his parents, and be sentenced to a life of misery in cold, miserable Bonnyrigg. Is that what you want for me, Selina?”
Selina shook her head. “Of course it isn’t,” she said, her eyes suspiciously bright. “But you could make it work, I know you could. You could charm the MacKenzies into welcoming you into their lives. They would love you, as you deserve to be loved.”
Penelope had nothing to say to that—she could not get the words past the lump in her throat. The problem was, itdidsound wonderful. A life where she was part of a family, with a husband who loved her and perhaps even children, if it wasn’t too late. But then what of Mortimer? And what of her tarnished reputation? Someone would find out, and word would spread and she wasn’t sure she could bear to see the disappointment in the eyes of those she may by then have grown to love.
Better not to risk it.
A fling, yes. An affair, that was a possibility. Then she could store up the memories of MacKenzie and their time together, so that she could dust them off in the years to come. Take each one out like a precious jewel. And remember.
Chapter Seventeen
Angus had beenlooking forward to his next outing with Selina. This time they were meeting during daylight hours. Selina had been appalled to learn he had not seen any of the famous London sights. “At least let me show you the Tower of London,” she said.
Angus was agreeable to most of her suggestions, as long as he could spend time with her. He had discovered he enjoyed her company a great deal. She was amusing and made him laugh, and for two people from such vastly different backgrounds, they seemed to be remarkably like-minded when it came to their thoughts and opinions. He acknowledged to himself that he would miss her when he returned with Callum to Bonnyrigg.
If the lad found a wife, that was.
It seemed that once again his and Selina’s thoughts were following the same path, and it wasn’t long before she mentioned her mistress. That was when he remembered that although their opinions may be mostly compatible, there was one subject on which they could not agree.
“I know Penelope is smitten with MacKenzie, although she refuses to admit it. I saw them. They were...” She shot him a sideways glance, her cheeks pink. “Well, I won’t tell you. I’m sure you can guess.”
Angus’s eyes widened as he caught her meaning. “You dinna say! Where was this?”
“In the sitting room. They are quite shameless,” but she was smiling.
“Callum has seemed verra cheerful, and now I know why.” Angus thought a moment. “Mabbe it will run its course. These things often do.”
She glanced at him as if she wanted to ask how he knew and interrogate him about his own encounters with women but didn’t quite dare. He didn’t mind if she did, he wasn’t ashamed of his past, but those brief encounters seemed tawdry when compared with his feelings for Selina.
“What if it doesn’t?” she said. “Run its course, I mean.”
Angus considered. “I’m sorry, but I still dinna think the duke will be happy if his son comes home with such a wife.”
Selina looked annoyed. “You say it like she worked in some horrid brothel! She is beautiful and intelligent and would make MacKenzie very happy.”
“Aye, but there is the small matter of her being another man’s mistress.”
