I suppress a squeal of excitement, flipping over the present I just shook. My excitement instantly fades when I see Kai’s name on the tag.
“You know how to do calligraphy?” I say, turning to stare at Bastian.
He comes to sit cross legged behind us, giving me a mysterious smile. “I know how to do a lot of things.”
“Calligraphy,” Kai scoffs, snatching his present out of my hands. “Gift wrapping. You’re so fucking gay.”
“Is that supposed to be an insult? Because?—”
Bastian cuts off when Kai leans back and plants a kiss on his mouth. “Shut up, Bash.”
Bastian’s eyes shutter, the mirth disappearing from his face.
Fuck, not again.
Every single time Kai calls him Bash, he flinches. Kai never seems to notice—he’s already turning back to his drone box, tearing at the tape with his teeth—but I’ve seen it plenty…and I’m done pretending I haven’t.
“Hey.” I put my hand on Bastian’s knee. “What’s going on?”
Bastian’s gaze drops to my hand. I’m expecting one of his non-answers, or a smirk, or for him to distract me with a sexual innuendo.
Kai looks up at me with a frown, then over to Bastian.
“It’s nothing.” But Bastian’s voice is too even. Too controlled.
“It’s clearly not,” I say.
Bastian’s jaw works. He’s staring out the window, but I don’t think he’s here right now.
“Billy used to call me that,” he says quietly.
Kai goes still beside me. “Shit.”
“The last time she called me that—” Bastian pauses, and the silence is so heavy I can feel it pressing against my eardrums. “She thanked me for killing her.”
Shock turns my body cold.
Bastian told us all about his first kill—how he helped his sister Billy take her own life so she wouldn’t burn in Catholic hell.
But he never told us…that.
Kai’s throat bobs. “Fuck,” he whispers. “I didn’t—I had no idea, man. I’ll stop.”
“No.” Bastian’s voice is rough, but firm. He reaches back without looking and grips the back of Kai’s neck. “Don’t stop.”
“But—”
“She told me…” His voice fades, and he clears his throat before speaking again. “She told me to find love and joy. I never knew it was possible before I met you two. So…no…don’t stop. Ever.”
Nobody speaks for what feels like a full minute.
Then Kai leans into Bastian’s hand, pressing his forehead against our professor’s shoulder. “Bash,” he breathes. Testing it. Reclaiming it.
Bastian’s eyes close. His jaw tightens. But he doesn’t flinch.
I watch them for a moment, and a sharp, deep ache hits me so hard it takes my breath away.
I think it’s love. Like actualreallove.
