My throat tightens.
“Billy—”
“Our daddy’s there too.”
We have different fathers, but I don’t correct her. I don’t think it would make a difference right now, anyway.
“Oh, yeah?”
“He was working very hard, but he came anyway because it’s my birthday,” she continues dreamily. “Oh, and Sally and Sarah are there.”
“Sally and Sarah?”
“The twins, Bash!” she says, like only an idiot could forget Sally and Sarah. “My best friends since kindergarten? Duh.”
“Right. Them.”
Her voice drops lower. “Tommy’s there too.”
My hands have gone still in her hair.
I want her to stop talking so I can finish washing food out of her hair—food she should have been eating at a table, not scooping off the floor with glass like a starved animal.
Because that’s what our evil mother turned us into.
Animals starved of everything.
Food, comfort,love.
But I can’t tell Billy to be quiet, because there’s a light in her eyes I don’t think I’ve ever seen before.
It’s hauntingly pure, devastatingly hopeful.
Like, if she dreams it enough times, this awful life will become the nightmare, and that birthday party will become her new reality.
Billy becomes Lily—a girl grateful for every rising sun, instead of wishing desperately for each day to end.
I clear my throat, scooping water up to rinse her hair. “Who’s this Tommy guy?” I croak.
“Tommy?” Billy sighs. “Only the cutest boy in school.”
Is she…blushing?
“Who else is there?” I force a swallow, glancing down to look for the soap. I spot it near her feet and sink a hand into the water to grab it.
“Last Valentine’s Day, he gave me a card with a heart on it and told me he wants to kiss me on the park bench by the lake. Isn’t that romantic, Bash?”
I find the soap, but it slips away as soon as I try to grab it, spearing through the water like a damn salmon.
“Sounds like Tommy’s a cheap date,” I tell her gruffly.
When I try to grab the soap again, I find Billy’s hand instead.
It’s as limp as the rest of her until she wraps her fingers around mine.
“I love him, Bash. I’m going to marry him and have his children. Twins, a boy and a girl. Blond,beautifultwins, and we’ll be so happy, Bash. All of us. You, and me, and our beautiful babies.”
I give her a squeeze, happy that she’s regaining some of her strength. At least I won’t have to haul her out of the bathtub by myself.
